


Life's A Drag

by Little_Guy



Series: Oh look, drag [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Bad Puns, Biker Edge, Cooking, Deep Relationships, Edge is grumpy ass man who refuses to acknowledge that he's loved, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Late Night Conversations, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, Other, Platonic Relationships, Queer Themes, Recovering Alcoholic, Therapy, Trans Male Character, or that he cares, world building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Guy/pseuds/Little_Guy
Summary: Signing up to be a glorified monster babysitter? Definitely wasn’t something on Edge’s bucket-list by far, and yet somehow he’d found himself being exactly that. Good intentions or not from the queen of monsters and his own shitty government he didn’t sign up for this shit.God, what he would do for just a smidgen of peace and quiet and not whatever the hell mess he’d have to deal with today.
Relationships: Papyrus & Papyrus (Undertale), Papyrus & Sans (Undertale), Sans & Sans (Undertale)
Series: Oh look, drag [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704808
Comments: 46
Kudos: 13





	1. Edge Needs A Drink

**Author's Note:**

> Or: Edge gets a vaguely platonic harem of a bunch of smitten monsters who just want the old man to fucking admit he has people that care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't really seen something like this done for just the skeletons and such so I figured I would give it a try. More specific things will be explained as I write but all you really need to know for this is that: Edge (uf Pap) is human, along with Frisk and the other canon humans, while the other monsters (including other universes) are still monsters. With some changes from probably what's considered the most popular canon.
> 
> Also, characters will be tagged as they're written so you won't tune in and be disappointed that the character hadn't showed up yet. Though as a note most of this is just going to be platonic and I am honestly not sure if anything romantic will be included.

It starts as it always does. With Grillby’s. It always starts with Grillby’s. Pinching the bride of his nose, Edge nods, as if by some fucking miracle the monster on the other side of the line could see it.

With a harsh, _steadying_ breath ( _he was going to fucking feed Red to the dogs)_ Edge wills his tone to even out, “Of course I’ll come and get him. Just- just give me a few moments and I’ll be right there, thank you for letting me know, Grillby.”

The soft crackle of flames acts as a soothing ambience to latch onto even as he’s able to hear the mayhem in the background. “... I will keep him out of trouble until you arrive… drive safe,”

“Yeah, I, Yeah Grillby I will.” Another deep breath, grip tight on the phone, “I’ll pay off his tab of the day, he shouldn’t fuckin’ stir up this much shit every week.”

He swears the elemental _laughs_ or does whatever the fuck an elemental monster does to laugh; and god. Edge is tired, so tired, he didn’t sign up to be the little shit's housing—and _yet._

That’s the situation he’s in, good fucking job queen Toriel and the Human Government! God he needed something to help with the edge of the day.

“... You might want to hurry…” Of course the line goes dead with that ominous as fuckall sentence.

Today was going great. Edge loved his new task, really. Fucking amazing.

Dragging his hand down his face he spares a glance at his coffee machine… maybe. Just this _once_ he could slip some vodka into the thing and—no, no he’d be a _decent_ (because honestly, fuck being a good, perfect citizen, that wasn’t any fun) person, no drinking and driving anymore, that was what he told his damn therapist.

Reaching for his gloves Edge tugs them on, scooping up his helmet and the spare as he heads out, whistling for the dogs, “Stay put ladies, Dad’s getting food.”

They yip at his heels, heads brushing against the rough of his gloves before they settle at the front door. Nodding in approval at the two Doberman’s (Doomfanger and Oggy, his two babies, the only reason he’d even agreed to this whole… situation. The money would allow him to buy more treats) he swings a leg over his bike, helmet fitting snugly as he starts the engine.

Red had better not try to fucking grab him in a stupor or Edge _would_ drag his ass on the road.

The noise of the road, of the _city_ he’d never admit he loved aloud, helped calm his nerves as he made his way to Grillby’s. Something about the angry voices and need to go as fast as he could before he got caught by a cop helped soothe something in his heart. Edge had never been a Gold Star citizen, his numerous records and interactions with the general populace could attest to that, but there was something about being on the road, body pressed close to his bike that set an ease to his shoulders.

Whip of the wind against his jacket Edge takes one of his shortcuts, visor of his helmet distorting the colors of the establishment. There were a couple of them he knew, something that caused a _fuckin’ mess_ as Red had put it a little after they first met, that caused multiple versions of people to settle in New Home.

If any one asked him he’d say it plainly: he didn’t understand half of the shit the human _or_ monster scientists said, it was just the new norm to him.

Unfortunately, not everyone could take shit like this in stride, unlike him.

But, that was something to mull over another time. Right now it was time to drag Red’s ass back to the house.

Parking his baby, Edge works the helmet off his head making damn certain that his shoes echoed off the wood as he announced his presence. Scowl set on his lips he strides into the monster-majority pub (enough of the patrons were used to this now, to not even try to stop him), reaching for the hood of Red’s jacket, the bulk of his shoulders even with Edge’s head.

“ _Wake up you lazy-ass!”_ He tugs at the hood until the bonehead’s not leaning his entire weight against the counter. “It’s time to head back home and I _will_ drag you on the road if I have to.”

He watches as the skeleton’s eyeslights flicker on, a deep burgundy, that matches the intent of the growl Red lets out without full comprehension, “who th’ fuck do ya think yer grabbin’ buddy?”

Narrowing his eyes Edge pulls him until the taller monster is looking him in the face, “ _You,_ you little _shit,_ we had an _agreement,”_

As if his face is some kind of magical switch, all the tension in Red’s body bleeds away, bones disappearing with a wave of a hand, as if they were never there in the first place. “‘s just you Boss,” his eyebrow twitches, grip on the monster not letting up, “really shouldn’t go grabbin’ mon’ters like that y’know.” He even has the gall to _chuckle_ as if this shit every week is _funny_ . “coulda had a real _ruff_ time.”

Taking in a breath (See, Miss Maple he was trying out the fucking stress exercises) Edge flattens his mouth into a line. “Get. Up.”

Red just chuckles again, the sound deep and amused even as the alcohol induced magic on his cheeks shows just how fucked he is. “c’mon now _leathers—“_

_“Up, Red.”_ It’s heated steel as Edge glares at him, he’s so _fucking tired_ he doesn’t have the patience today for the jokes, or any of Red’s shit today.

Thankfully, the bigger monster seems to catch just how off he is because he keeps his palms up, expression no longer teasing.”a’right, Edge,” he can feel the shoddy attempt at green magic digging into his skin (seeking for whatever is that’s caused such a shake even for Edge’s standards) and he can’t help the uneven breath, just barely noticing the way Red hides the weakness from the other patrons with his bulk. “‘m goin’, no jokes about it.”

It’s honest, at the very least. Digging for the money he’d tucked into his pocket Edge places it next to beer bottles on the counter, before turning. Shoulders as set and straight as he can get them, Edge leads them out, heart thundering in his chest.

He feels Red’s magic, the hesitation looming over him like an unwanted gift. “Don’t. Touch. Me. Not today.”

And it withdraws.

“the bike, Edge. i’ll have to touch ya,” it’s still gruff, but he can _hear_ (feel it too, deep in his nerves) the care in the words. “yer shoulders, that fine?”

He gives a jerky nod tossing the spare helmet Red’s way keeping the bike steady even as the big monster stumbles his way onto the back seat—warmth spreading across his back like… (like a blanket, something soothing), like a fucking wound that won’t close.

“a’right, Edge ‘m goin’ta grab you now,” As much as he might bitch about Red, well, he knows the bonehead cares in his own weird fucking way. So he tampers down the flinch that wants to rip through his body like an earthquake in California. “there’s’fine?”

His jaw clicks, open. Shut. It feels dry. He could go for a drink of his own right now. “... Fine.”

There’s a gentle squeeze at his shoulders before the squeal of the tires roars to life along with the engine. The noise of the city will do him some good as they make their way back.

He won’t ever admit that the heavy presence against his back, helps, just a little.

* * *

The engines purr eases out as he pulls up to the house, Doom and Oggy barking in excitement. They don’t approach the smart girls, they’re service dogs in reality, something nobody would know unless Edge told them. But, he’s okay right now, nerves eased by the ride.

The rumble Red lets out is just like them too, as he works his way off the bike, (thankfully) avoiding any touch with him for the moment.

With a whistle Oggy comes to his side, head pressed against his palm as he makes his way through the door; not locked. Doesn’t need to be. He lives in the fucking woods with two Doberman. And Red.

Shucking off his gloves, his mind blanks as he settles into a routine. His gloves are placed into their customary spot, keys right next to them, Oggy and Doom next to the couch and…

He looks around, heart thumping in his ears when he finds Red already at the table (routine, routine, routine) jacket for once placed on the coat holder (just like Edge had asked him to do).

Jitters stilling in his hands he moves to the sink. Water. Soap. Lather. Wash. 

It’s easy, pulling the lasagna he’d wrapped in tinfoil out of the turned off oven. Easy to make two plates, set them down and wait for his guest to take the first bite. Easy to hear his dogs head into the kitchen and eat from their own bowls.

It’s hard to keep his grip on his utensils loose. Harder to focus on calming his heart. But doable. He can be fine enough for work, he _will_ be.

A slow movement in the corner of his vision and Edge looks up, Red’s skull is no longer dusted with magic. He lets out a breath. “do… do’ya wanna talk about it?”

He almost wants to laugh at how awkward it is. What had his friend been thinking when they recommended him for this program? Edge hardly had his shit together; how was he supposed to help this monster get used to life on the surface?

And yet. He finds his mouth moving, voice distant even to his own ears. “A group of stupid kids coming somewhere they shouldn’t have.” _His house_ is implied. 

Edge is acutely aware of the reputation he’s made for himself— the man who _fraternizes_ with the enemy. The man who was outed by the church (not that he’d cared much about it in the first place; a lie to try and hide something), the man who practiced _unhealthy acts._

They were just some dumb fucking kids who thought lobbing insults and slurs at people was fine. That calling him names of things that he _wasn’t_ was normal; the right thing to do to _scare it out of him._

It’s the growl that pulls him out of his thoughts, Red’s eye lights almost manic as they look at him, teeth sharp (oh so sharp they could tear him and leave nothing behind if they wanted to; if Edge was a stupider man and thought that monsters would hurt him).

“ _fuck ‘em,”_ There’s a heat to the words that, perhaps he should expect by now, but doesn’t. Red’s gold tooth shines in the light, a crackle sounding from around him before the room smells of ozone. “they don’t know shit about ya, Boss. Let’em come ‘ere again and I’ll make sure ta give them somethin’ to really _fear!”_

It startles a chuckle out of him, grip falling loose and comfortable around his things, and he’s so lost in the relief of it all that he doesn’t notice the raw care in Red’s face, the easy relief to his shoulders. Here he is talking to a damn skeleton about his problems.

If only he could have a drink.

“You finish the fucking plate, Red, I’m going to go change.” 

“sure thing, boss, just make sure to let me savor the _dessert.”_ He can practically feel the wink shot in his direction even as he lets out a full body groan. He should’ve known!

Something in his head still eases at the joke, even if he finds them subpar; _routine, routine, routine_. The stairs don’t squeak as he climbs, something he’s grateful for, noise is annoying as hell on a good day, it’d be Armageddon on a bad one.

His hands aren’t shaking anymore. That’s a good sign, he can get through his shift of the night. He’s already set out his uniform; he always does, easier to keep on track that way. Now it’s just forcing himself to undress, button by button of his shirt, the buckle of his belt, the laces of his shoes— always the easiest, the most soothing— and then finally his slacks. His jacket… while not formal wear by any means stayed next to the new pile of clothes. Edge _couldn’t_ go without that.

Rinse and repeat. The formal ( _stiff, too close)_ slacks being dragged up, and up, and up until they’re buttoned snugly at his waist, belt being threaded through the loops just as efficiently. It’s newer, a gift from some gal who thought she could win him over with trinkets, well, he’d take any free shit he could. It was nice quality after all.

Smoothing his fingers over the button-up he wants to sigh. Satin. Perhaps to some an annoying texture, but not to him. It was… enjoyable to be able to wear something that wasn’t rough against his skin on some days (or nights. Sometimes both), it’d be warm as hell he knows, but he can live with that for the night. He’d probably earn more tips than usual. His fingers work deftly at the buttons a deep rooted sigh crashing out of him from the cool fabric on his shoulders. He could do this.

Next, the waistcoat. Rubbing at his eyes Edge eases his way back down coat in one hand and jacket in the other, for all intents and purposes he can tie the back himself, but. If he’s alright with _Red_ touching him Edge knows he can get through the night without issue.

A whistle from the couch calls his attention, of course Red would be sprawled on the couch waiting. The monster was a big cat ready to sleep the whole damn day (and prowl for prey) and he probably would if Edge didn’t bitch at him to do _something_. “lookin’ mighty fine there, boss, ya sure you ain’t tryin’ to sugar?”

He snorts, pushing his hair out of his face as he turns his back to the monster. “Long past sugaring, Red you know that. Not like anyone could _afford_ this anyway.” Red approaches slow, slower than he usually would, clawed phalanges holding the strings as if they’re something fragile. 

“ye never know, could find yourself being swept off’ya feet one of these nights,” Edge just rolls his eyes, posture slowly relaxing as the skeleton ties off the coat. “an’ then I’ll have to scare off the bastard if they don’t treat ya right, can’t have my favorite humie gettin’ fucked with.”

“Alright that’s enough of that you beast,” Red just laughs, the proximity making his bones jostle where he stands.

“you keep tha’ up an’ll just have to court you m’self,”

“As if _you_ could sweep a man off their feet.” He sniffs, feeling more comfortable the longer Red gets to joking about him and Edge’s worth; because damn right he isn’t just going to let just _any_ old sap have a chance. “Get going, Red we’ve got a crowd to entertain.”

Slipping on his jacket he turns on his heel, Red’s mumbled _I can sweep plenty_ earning a quiet huff of amusement out of him.

He’s even alright when Red places his hands on his waist, claws tucked carefully toward the skeleton’s own palms. “you just leave th’ assholes to me tonight, Boss,” It’s crooned full of the typical manic glee that Red always gets when he’s allowed to tag along for work. “make sure to think twice bef’re touchin’ somebody.”

Rolling his eyes, Edge revs the engine before they’re off like a shot, the sound of Red’s odd growl-purr acting as a decent distraction of the long night to come.

* * *

_Somewhere in the Rain_ could be considered one of the fancier places in New Home. A nice little bar tucked in a corner between a game room and an even fancier restaurant. Edge honestly couldn’t ask for a better place of employment if you asked him.

Only thing that sucked was the customers. Case and Point:

“The hell do’ya _mean_ you ain’t taste testing the drink,” It’s a frat boy. Has to be. They’re the only damn people Edge could even fathom that would wear the douche shades and cap-back combo _with_ such ugly ass shorts. That _red_ with that _purple_ oh, sweet, sweet dumbass that just did not go together. “How th’ fuck are you supposed to make sure it’s right?”

And now the asshat was in his face. Wonderful. But, he doesn’t signal for Red yet, doesn’t have to, kid’s as threatening as a fucking Pomeranian. There have been twinks more intimidating than this _speck_.

Placing his hands on his hips ( _away from any of the bottles_ lest he actually hit the brat over the head for getting too fucking close) he glares down at the ant taking up room at _his_ bar until sweat beads on the rude little creature’s brow. “Because _I_ don’t mess up. Ask anyone in this bar and not _once_ have I gotten a drink wrong. Now, you can either sit the fuck down and enjoy your drink or get the hell out. Do. I. Make. Myself. _Clear?”_

Pomeranian folds, as most are wont to do when a tall, _scarred_ man gives them back just as much shit. Sniffing derisively, Edge goes back to cleaning a glass, making his way to deposit a virgin drink in front of Red after he makes his rounds with the other patrons.

“ya really know how to make the night nice, ya know that Boss?” Glancing over he rolls his eyes _again_ at the little hearts in the big monsters eye lights. The sod was as crude as ever when it came to Edge taming some fucking good for nothing brats. “too bad ye can’t do it more oft’n with the big guys,” An actual shiver. Red really could be disgusting when he was out in the open.

Clicking his tongue, he turns away considering the conversation done and over with. Red could be a mess as long as he wanted as long as he kept Edge out of it. Making his rounds once more Edge leans against the back ledge of the bar taking a sip of his own water, eyes scanning for any potential troublemakers and— Bingo.

Course he couldn’t catch just _one_ break before asshat one and asshat two settled themselves at his bar. The night was going so well too. Slipping an Aspirin as he takes a swig of water, Edge gives the taller asshat a _look_ , “The fuck did I tell you about smoking in here?” 

He just gets a roll of the eyes as he snatches the disgusting thing from the monster’s mouth, “c’mon darlin’ it’s just one smoke. Where’s the harm ‘s not like a _drag_ will do anything, and you’re the only thing takin’ my _breath_ away,”

He about breaks a glass as he hears Red snort-growl in the background, at the frankly. Terrible Jokes. This is going to be such a long fucking night.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahaha so. To clarify some things just in case you don't know some terminology and a few other things.
> 
> Edge is 5'8, he is actually smaller than the average American male height. Red, is 6'2 and for the most part this is because i never considered any of the monsters in Undertale to be /small/ and I personally see Red, as having an almost Bear like physic.. Not all of the monsters will be taller, but Red is.
> 
> Now, actual terminology.  
> leathers, is typically used to describe someone who is part of the leather community, but it can often be used as a derogatory term as well. Red was not using it as such, but was rather making a joke that Edge dresses much like a person who would be assumed to be part of the leather community.
> 
> Bear. This is usually to describe bigger or heavier set gay or bisexual men. Of course, since skeletons don't have hair he'd really be a manatee.
> 
> Sugaring; pretty much a sugar baby, though it can be different for some people.


	2. A Bone or Two to Settle

Tucked into his corner Red had seen them as soon as they made their way through the doors, the smarmy bastards. ‘Specially the bigger one. Creeps honestly. But, he ain’t been called yet, so all he could do was eye the little monsters— they were also from the whole huge fuck up that _was_ the machine— and the big one. Ugh.

With an eyelight focused on the pair he nurses his plate of food and the water Boss had given him at the start of his shift. He wasn’t going to complain, Edge was a damn good cook and as pissy as the humie could be— even _Edge_ couldn’t hide the fact that he actually _did_ give a shit about him, even if he’d lie straight to Red’s face when given the chance. An annoying ass human for certain, but he was _Red’s_ annoying ass human and he wasn’t about to let him get too roughed up by some pricks from another universe.

It’d been a couple months now for sure, had to have been. One minute he was in the fucking workshop with the stupid ass machine and then the next he was starin’ down a weasle-assed fucker claiming to _be him_ . As if Red would be so damn slippery. Then he’d been handed off to Edge, to _fit in with the current society_.

Fucking idiots the lot of them.

He knew what they we’re trying to do and Red wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction. ‘Sides, he actually en— _could stand_ the prickly bastard. Not too many people could say they had the Red symbol of approval. Hell, he had even gotten a, ahem, job of sorts. Not that Boss needed to know. That was for another day though, one that wasn’t full of another skeleton from a stupid ass universe that was tryin’ to flirt with Boss, like he’d even give his lanky ass a shot.

If there were a couple things Red had learned about his human during his stay it was this: Edge didn’t _do serious,_ didn’t do casual neither _,_ wasn’t in his makeup; didn’t care to mince words when he told you what he thought of your advances. Just wasn’t for him. Two, fucker had a short as hell temper and he’d let you know it. Three, _Edge was soft_ , not that you’d fuckin’ know it looking at him. But he was. long couple of fucking months it took to understand that the human was a little out a wack from the norm. And that was just the _start_ of his stay.

And Red wasn’t about to let the smarmy bastard and the tyrant dust his fucking progress. This place wasn’t half bad now and they weren’t going to ruin it. So, a-course when he hears the stupid ass line he knows it’s time to get him _out._

Squeezing his bulk out from out of the corner, Red stalks behind the two _chuckleheads_ placing a heavy hand on the puff-up, well aware of the way vertebrae by vertebrae the little shit stiffens up; sure as hell remembers their last meeting at least. Shooting Boss a wink, he blimps them out of the bar. Ain’t no need to get messy in there and at least the little tyrant would keep his fuckin’ hands to himself.

Claws curled into puff-bars jacket, Red let’s his body heat just so he can let out a rush of air in the creeps face. “wha’the fuck ‘re you _doin’_ here I _paid yer fuckin’ toll, cash,”_ Cause these _chucklefucks_ shouldn’t be something Boss has to deal with too. Red _knew._ He knew that his humie lied about the fuckin’ bills and how much even the lump sum he got every month for taking in Red was still tough. _He knew_ and he wasn’t going to let these asshats swindle him out of more. “i shoulda just busted in yer _skull.”_

Creeper just chuckles, hands going up (as if he really fuckin’ needed them to go toe to toe with Red) in a gesture to try and make him relax, _as if Red of all monsters would._ “Just wanted to check in on our retail,” He cranes his neck back eye lights shifting to look through the window, “never saw ‘im that up close before, might just have’ta _offer_ him a little deal.”

A snarl is wrested from the depths of his soul at the smug little look (as _if Boss would ever take his fuckin’ blood money_ ) two blasters flickering into existence— 

“none, a-that _bully-boy_ ,” The fucker’s eyelights are _stars_ , “don’t want to be damagin’ the place now do we?” He had moved them, _he had_ . And yet. Here they were in front of Boss’ bar, two blasters primed and ready to dust the fucker _and_ one of the few joy’s Boss really fuckin’ had. “put. them. away.”

With a harsh breath he sends them away, materializing bones in their place. He could pay Boss, back; he would. “th’ fuck do’ya _want?”_

Cash looks at him approvingly, another cigarette tucked into his teeth, lighter floating next to his damn head; looking at Red like he wasn’t better than a piece of gum to step on. “an order,” His sockets narrow. “justa l’il somethin’ from your human that’s all.”

“and you’ll fuckin’ stick to our deal.” Cash’s head lulls, apparently whatever in his cig stronger than usual. Arrogant bastard; Red knew the fucker could still slip away at the drop of a hat even high as a fuckin’ kite.

“you get ‘im to make what we need and your toll will decrease by five,” His fingers strain against the material of Buzz Kill’s jacket, well aware of the fuckin’ glee being pointed up at him. Five percent. Wasn’t much admittedly, but _Cash_ didn’t just give out discounts for nothing.

“you leave him out of yer shit, Cash.” 

“just once, big guy, an’ we’ll be out of your hair, won’t come struttin’ into his bar to talk to him. Just drinks and yer money that’s all.” Raking his claws down the fucker’s rib cage, Red let’s him howl as he drags him through another shortcut of his own.

“keep yer fuckin’ discount, you ain’t involvin’ him in _any_ of yer shit!” 

Starbud still laughs like getting marrow all over his damn jackets the funniest shit in the world; fuckin’ creep. “you… you get the deal anyway,” He wants to take some kind of _enjoyment_ out of the way he watches the brat struggle to summon up something green, but his tone and mannerisms, so different from his usual shit is disconcerting. “just cause I like ‘im, you’d better keep a tighter grip on ‘is leash, Red, ain’t everybody as generous as us.”

Then the rat’s gone, no doubt leaking marrow as he goes home to lick his wounds. Fuckin’s deserved it the creepy little shit trying to _convince him_ to let Edge get involved with their shit and jeopardize the standing Red has here. With a curse he blimps home to change, can’t be letting Edge know he _actually_ roughed somebody or he’d never hear the end of it.

* * *

Edge looks at the seat that was once _occupied_ before looking toward the other monster (Oh, wonderful, more skeletons; as if there weren’t already enough in his life?) more than a little unnerved at the _hearts_ staring him down. But, Edge is a professional and some… ill-informed monster wasn’t going to ruin his night. “May I help you with something?”

“WHY, _OF COURSE_ ,” Maybe, the fact that Red had just fucking yanked the other monster from their seat should’ve been a sign that he should’ve just ignored the… admittedly odd skeleton. They fold their hands across their lap, suit pressed and elegant; yeah, he needs to dodge whatever this bullet is. “i HAVE A... PROPOSITION FOR YOU.”

His expression goes flat, and somewhere in his heart he feels a vindictive sort of glee at the perplexed twist that flashes across the monster’s face. “Look. I’m sure you’re wonderful—” nope, nope, abort. This monster didn’t understand sarcasm. “—but I’m not in the business of taking _propositions._ However, if you need a drink or a meal, that I can help you with.”

“OH. THIS IS MOVING MUCH FASTER THAN I THOUGHT—” What? “— I'D _ENJOY_ GOING TO DINNER WITH YOU, AND CERTAINLY WOULD HAVE PREPARED MORE EFFICIENTLY—” _What? “_ — IF I HAD KNOWN THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE AGAINST SUCH FORWARD REQUESTS.” _What?!_  
  


What the fuck was going on right now? Staring at the suddenly, _not_ intimidating monster (not that Edge would, in a million years, _ever_ fucking say) he just wonders where the fuck he’d gone wrong. He just wanted to run his bar. Offer a not so terrible place for humans and monsters to rest ( _no, not because he actually cared about making people’s days better,_ thank you very much) but this was… not on his list of things he was trying to achieve.

“The hell are you trying to insinuate with that, huh?” Yup. Classic response. Maybe if he was just a douche the monster would very quickly learn that Edge was really not interested and was quite frankly the worst standard someone could have. 

The bite to his words, doesn’t seems to have the effect he was expecting if the blatantly smitten look returning says anything; yeah he needed to exit this quick. “THAT MY _IMPERTINENT_ _—“_ fuck, this monster clearly had the wrong idea about him. Edge wasn't interested in being anyone’s partner for hire. “SELF EVEN HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACCOMPANY YOU FOR DINNER. OF COURSE, I'D PAY DESPITE APPRECIATING THE OFFER, YOU NEED THE MONEY MO—“

“ _Excuse me?”_ He couldn’t have heard that right; this monster couldn’t have just fucking insulted his financial situation _in his bar,_ all the while propositioning him for… for _dinner_ , of all the fucking things. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I like my partners with a bit more _grace ,_ a bit more fucking _pizzazz_ if you will. Come back when you’ve learned some fucking manners!”

They just give him a smile, teeth seeming to glean under the lighting, gloved hands moving to rest on the counter, that same _look_ still in place. “OH, I'M VERY AWARE THAT I'M NOT THE PERFECT PICK FOR THIS SORT OF THING, BUT IF YOU'D LISTEN, I'M CERTAIN IT'D BE WORTH YOUR TIME. UNLESS, IS THERE SOMETHING IN MIND THAT I COULD DO TO _EARN_ THAT TIME?”

He gives the monster a cursory glance, feeling his brow twitch at how they preen. Short, or at least shorter than him, formal if their clothing is anything to go by, extremely… _eager._ Turning for a bottle of scotch, he pours the skeleton a glass. “I am not a dishonest man,” ain’t that a fucking lie? “This,” he shakes the glass careful too keep it from spilling, “Is monster scotch. A nasty fucking thing. You finish it, you get ten minutes—“

The words aren’t even finished the skeleton is guzzling the fucking thing, their proper posture and elegant presentation never ending even as Edge watches the drink disappear into nowhere.

They clear their nonexistent throat, a purple flush overtaking their skull; Edge isn’t stupid though, they’re still coherent. “NOW, I'M SURE WE'RE BOTH MEN OF OUR WORD, SO IF YOU WOULD,” the twirp has the balls to motion for him to sit. He’d give the little bastard that at least.

“I can hear you perfectly fine from right here.”

He swears he sees a flash of something in brat's eye lights (something that made his skin prickle) before they’re back to the frankly disturbing hearts. “IF YOU INSIST.” Twirp clears his throat again, fingers clasped together perfectly, “I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU A... CATERING JOB.”

He just raises a brow.

“I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU RUN THIS PLACE WITH YOUR RATHER _MAGNANIMOUS_ _—“_

“Don’t compliment me. You just lost a minute.” The little shit just smiles at him, as if he’s _indulging_ Edge; he wants to punch the fucker’s eye lights out.

“OF COURSE, FORGIVE ME. MY TONGUE CAN STRAY AT TIMES.” Yup. He’s a tool. That look just sealed it. “AS I WAS SAYING, YOU RUN THIS PLACE EFFICIENTLY WITH JUST YOURSELF, THE _BRUTE.,_ ” And isn’t that quite a bit of heat? Temper, temper, little man. “AS WELL AS YOUR FEW SERVERS. MY OFFER IS THAT I'D LIKE YOU TO HOST... A MEETING IF YOU WILL. FOR ME.”

When he eyes then slip of paper based across the counter his lungs nearly give out. Creep or not that… that kind of money was… “What’s the catch?”

The monster’s sockets hood, the razor tip of his teeth seeing as inviting as a fucking snake, dripping venom and all, “WHY, I JUST GET TO ENJOY YOUR COOKING AND GET TO HAVE A NICE MEETING. A DEAL?”

Eyeing the check like it’ll bite him Edge toys with it between his nails; this can’t fucking be real. He is _very,_ aware that he is one of the few monster friendly joints (and no it is not something he takes joy in, they should _already be accepted)_ but he doesn’t have a big enough head to know that, that fucking check needs to be turned down.

“Decrease it.” It’s snapped out, the numbers on the fucking thing insulting him, “I’m not some _charity case!”_

The skeleton chuckles again, one of his hands firmly tucked under his jaw as he looks at Edge, and _challenges_ him. “IT'S NO CHARITY. I KNOW A GOOD INVESTMENT WHEN I SEE ONE. THE MEETING IS IN A MONTH. COOK WHAT YOU'D USUALLY MAKE AND YOU CAN DEDICATE IT TO _BLACK,_ ” it’s purred out as he leans closer and Edge is… he’s…

“Back off _runt_ ,” He’s _safe_. “You know we’ve gotta fuckin’ policy against harassment, now move along before I enforce it into yer fuckin’ skull,”

Black rolls his eyes, flicking the grip Red has on his shoulder off as if it’s nothing. “MY, MY, MY YOU'VE CERTAINLY GOTTEN WORSE HAVEN'T YOU?” Red snarls, easing himself between Edge and the smaller skeleton. “NO NEED TO GET SO WORKED UP PUPPY. I WAS SIMPLY GIVING YOUR... _BOSS_ A JOB OPPORTUNITY. YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND KENNEL YOURSELF.”

Carefully (as if the paper will somehow _hurt_ him) Edge tucks it Into the pocket of his coat; it doesn’t matter if the skeleton is a fucking weirdo. That money… he _needs_ that, he’ll just. He’ll give Red errands or something to keep him out of the way because this could actually do some _good_ for him and his girls, and Red’s whole blending in.

“get th’ fuck out then if yer done. Bars fuckin’ closin’ early!”

Black just gives a serene little smile, eye lights swirling in amusement as he gives a brief bow before exiting. Edge is fucked. Absolutely and terribly fucked for what he’ll be doing for a check of that size (because nothing _legal_ comes with a price that high), well. It looked like he’d be avoiding any and all contact with the police for a time. Again.

With an easy motion he curls his fingers around Red’s shoulder pushing him into a stool. “You want to let me know who the fuck that was?”

It’s deceptively easy and just this once he lets himself enjoy the rush of power that sings in his bones at the shiver Red gives; fucking deserves to feel on top of the world right now. Edge worked himself into the damn _hospital_ for this place, he was not going into this stupid and blind like some protagonist of one of those comic books.

“Any time now, Red.”

He watches the sweat induced magic bead on Red’s skull, his grasp still careful and measured; he was long above the violence from his past. His nature he may have no control over but his actions? Oh Edge had those on a tight fucking leash.

“uh… well… y’see,” Narrowing his expression into a glare, he forces himself into the skeleton’s space.

“ _Spill it, Red or it’s on your fucking ass,”_

“loan sharks,” God his body feels like less just from that. He feels himself crumbling into the seat opposite of Red, a buzz of well meaning burgundy settling around his shoulders. (1, 2, 3—) “they’re loan sharks. I’ve been… dealing with ‘em—“ (4, 5, 6—) “Been tryin’ to convince ‘me to leave your place alone.”

(7, 8—) “ _Trying_?” It’s curt. Detached. And vaguely, Edge can make out the concern (if he could call it that, he knew he was just a meal ticket, an agreement to get the government off Red’s ass), even as he squeezes so hard at his nose bridge that it’ll host a bruise; so much for control. “How long, Red?”

Red scratches at his skull, a nervous gesture (and Edge recognizes that he should reprimand him. Too many close calls) yet, Edge can’t find it in him to focus on anything more than that _there were fucking loan sharks_ in his _bar_ just moments ago. And they had apparently been here a while! God, he needed a fucking drink.

Fingers twitching for the closest thing to him (Whisky. Amazing. His personal choice of hell, great way to fall down the well), a jolt isn’t even startled out of him when Red closes a fist around his hand. Heh, at least one of them was coping. The week really had worn him hadn’t it?

Letting out what sounds like a warble, Red moves him away from the bar counter, contact kept to as much a minimum as he can. “... couple weeks after I was put up with you,”

Despite himself, a suck of air rushes through his lungs as his heart rabbits, “a year?”

“fuck, Boss has it really been that damn long with yer edgy ass,” he knows what it is, and Red’s jokes were never good and yet, a startled laugh exits from him, before just a quickly his skin is heating at the weakness. It didn’t matter how long he’d known Red, he _couldn’t_ let loose. “heh, yah liked that one, huh?”

“No!” Most decidedly _not!_

Red just huffs, leading him out to the bike after closing up shop. “I think ye did, Boss. Laughing’ and shit, think one of yer spikes finally fell out of yer ass,” He pokes the novelty chain on Edge’s bike just for emphasize, more than a little pleased with himself when he gets another strangled laugh. “see? that ain’t so fuckin’ bad, turns out you gotta fuckin’ funny bone in there somewhere!”

Briefly he feels the grip on his waist tighten and he wants to snap— his body coming undone in a spiral and some vibrancy of color that Edge doesn’t want to admit he sees; green, held together with cracks of blue— before they’re home and the fight evaporated from him.

Then the grip is gone and a weight is lifted from his shoulders. Literally he thinks, belatedly. He doesn’t feel the floor.

“Put, me the fuck down!” Even as tired as he physically feels, as drained as he does with the day. Edge will get inside on his own. 

“alright, a’right you big baby,” He can’t keep the snarl in his throat even as Red howls with laughter. “ya really think that shits gonna scare me? Yer about as intimidating as a damn moldsmal!”

Managing to just curl his fingers Edge gives the fucker the bird. “ _Down, Red_ or I will starve your ass!”

“yeah, yeah yer majesty,” Next thing he knows he’s crashing into the damn couch, a curse being yelped out at the fall, he seethes at the innocent look Red gives him. “you said _down_ , should’ve prepared for _fall_ , after all, you’re all aut-of-umn fucks to give.”

With another strangled yell Edge just falls boneless into the pillow mass. Body feeling lighter when his two dogs force their snouts into his hands, the tactile sensation working to pull him back into a grounded state. He could… maybe… eventually deal with this.

Loan sharks. Definitely not a first. Monster loan sharks? Probably different and Edge honestly can’t go to the police, he took the check like an idiot. So. He would deal with this, even if it tried to take more than he would be able to handle; he’d make it. For himself. For his girls. Even for Red and his shitty jokes.

He’s thankful that Red averts his gaze when his voice cracks, “A year.” He glances at the skeleton just for conformation (because it didn’t feel like a year). “Tell me about them. So I know what I’m getting into.”

The creak of the couch lets him know that Red, in some fashion, took up the remaining room, probably tucked to keep them from touching his person; Edge can appreciate that. “i’ve, uh, um…” well, that’s already not a good sign. “i’ve been, uh, payin’ ‘em every month on th’ first.”

He can’t muster anything up exactly to scrub roughly between his eyes. Fuck. “I could’ve—“

“no, boss, you couldn’t’ave done shit,” The words fucking hurt like getting punched in the gut. Bastard couldn’t even soften the blow (even though they both know he’d get pissed if Red has tried). Still fucking sucks to hear. “didn’t want them interactin’ with you anyway, they’re fuckin’ creeps.”

He can’t help but agree. “Alright.” Another breath, a quick count up to ten. Doomy nuzzling into his hand and pressing close to his heart. He’s okay. “Alright. Well, we’re past that because I did. So. Short one… I’m pretty sure… attempted to hit on me?” And isn’t that a terrifying thought? Maybe if Edge was younger, dumber, more stuck in the ways of his past he would’ve been oddly, very _oddly_ flattered. Now? No. “The taller one…”

“what about ‘im, boss?” That’s the bulldog voice.

“They need to work on their shots.”

He hears a snort, Red finally wrestling off his jacket. “that’s putting it lightly. he fuckin’ sucks… you sure you want’a do this, boss?”

Shrugging, Edge cranes his neck out of the pillow coffin to look the monster in the eyes. “This way it’s on my own fucking terms Red. They aren’t intimidating me out of my fucking place, and the fact they didn’t do this in a damn alley with me in an encounter? They need me for something.” He barks a laugh, fingers ghosting through Oggy’s fur. “I don’t know what, and I don’t know why. But usefulness? Usefulness is fucking golden, Red when it comes to shit like this.”

The couch gives an uneasy cry as Red shifts closer, shoulders tucked as he gives the human a cursory glance. “hey, Boss… how exactly are you so at ease with this shit? With monsters and all of,” he waves a hand, “all our shit.”

He hums tugging his dogs closer; fucking finally the pounding in his head is going away. “I was young, dumb, and broke once, Red. Humans ain’t nice. Some of ‘em are better sure… but for people like me? Hardly. I learned to roll with the fucking punches or I wasn’t going to make it—and here the fuck I am. I made it, and two pin-stripped-pricks ain’t taking that achievement from _me_!”

It falls quiet. Lulling even, as the sounds of the house— his dogs snuffling, that leaky ass faucet upstairs, _Red shuffling_ — and the forest— the cicadas chittering and the soft brush of leaves against the windows— keep him centered and present. Let him know that this is a place he sleep and is safe. This is home. He’s surrounded with his asshats of choice.

Sleep comes quick. Red awkwardly fumbling with a blanket going unseen.

* * *

“boss… ‘ey…” He grunts, swatting his hand out blindly. “don’t fuckin’ hit me, edge—ow! Th’ fuck I just say you ass?” Oh. Red.

Dragging his head from out under the pillows he cracks open an eye, like Smaug. Except the pillows are his hoard and Red made the stupid ass decision to take one. “ _What?”_

The monster gives him a flat look. “try that again when you don’t look like a damn Pomeranian. Kids at the damn door again, looked like I rained on his parade or some shit.”

With a groan he tugs a hand through his hair, trying to somewhat tame the curly mess that decided to grow. He couldn’t be an ass to the kid. “The fuck you do look at ‘im with your ugly ass mug?”

“my mug is fuckin’ beautiful.” 

Edge snorts. Fuck he’d fallen asleep in his uniform, fuck it he’d change after talking to the kid. “Yeah sure. You looked at him and then gave him anxiety, probably glowered at him too.”

“damn right I did. too damn early for a fucking weekend visit.”

With a stretch his entire back pops— and oh that’s wonderful. He had to sleep on the couch more if he got that every morning, damn.

At this point he’s not even fazed when Red just up and disappears, some weird ass Skeleton Magic. That too is part of his norm now.

Undoing his waistcoat he drapes it across the hat rack, hoping he doesn’t scare the kid too much. He really ain’t that bad— plus, Mari would kick his ass if he did scare the kid— and he smells something made by the goddess herself.

Easing the door open he watches the ki— _Slim’s_ (he could at the very least call the monster his name) customary nervous flush takes over his bones. Poor kid. Really wasn’t made for social interaction. He could understand. “uh, um… here!”

And those are Mari’s fucking amazing cookies! This day was already amazing. “Mornin—“

“and this!” The ki— _Slim_ scrambles to pass something else into his arms. Then stops. Fidgeting on his feet as his sockets grow wide. Looking between the food in his arms. Then the tin now in Edge’s arms. Back to the… is that a lump? “Oh, um, I. M-miss mari, was, she was,” 

He sighs, propping his door open a little more. “Okay, okay slow it down, kiddo. C’mon in so we can put the…” He eyes the… lump… in Slim’s arms and decides against _food. “_ The stuff inside yeah? You want to tell me about Mari, yeah?”

The blessed woman. An older lady. Still able to get around great despite only having one arm and cataract, and more than ready to hit you in the head with her cane if you weren’t polite. Edge loved the lady. She wasn’t on his shit list and Mari had made damn sure she’d never be on it. 

Slim nods so quick that he actually worries that a skeleton could lose their skull; it didn’t matter if he liked the little lass, Mari _would_ hit him over the head if Slim lost something.

God, how did he deal with this? Slim wasn’t a _child_ by any means, but he was like a… teenager? Maybe? He was a tall fucking teenager if he was, Edge honestly wasn’t really certain, but at this point he wasn’t going to ask. It was just easier to learn at some random point and just go with it.

“Um,” Slim, clears his throat, eyes shifting around as if it would help him _deal with whatever this was_ before settling, very pointedly on the sink. Safe territory! “miss mari she… she taught my bro how to make a, a uh,”

Edge nods, placing the tin cookies on top of the fridge as he tries to encourage the kid to continue. “What’d she teach him?” He didn’t know the kid’s brother but they _had_ to be younger with that… concoction.

“she taught him how to make a quiche?” Wow. He didn’t even sound confident in that; Edge could understand that. It was really not quiche-like. “and, um. last week?” Fuck, last week? What was last week? “You uh… oh jeez is the a. A bad time? You look…” tired. He could hear it without it being said.

Damn. He must have looked really fucking rough. Mari trusted him with the kid though, he could go through with whatever the fuck he promised. Maybe? Definitely! He wouldn’t fail the old lady, she was a fucking blessing, they had to work together. They were both part of the whole, acclimation thing or whatever the fuck it was being called now.

“No, no kid, I’m still,” He was what? Ready? “I can still help out this week if you need me, just. Set the… quiche down alright and I’ll go change and we can get started?”

Slim fucking lights up; like a damn star on a tree. And yup. Those are some actual stars in his eyes. What the fuck did he agree to?

“Really?” He nods… slowly. “Okay, Yeah, I… this is so much Mr. Edge—“

“Just, Edge kid, you’ve been living with, Mari a couple of months you can just. Just Edge.” Oh boy. This was going to be wild wasn’t it?

“Okay! I can uh, you said you’d help with the um,” The kid fumbles with the quiche, trying desperately to fix his turtleneck from how crinkled it had got from squeezing the quiche so harshly. “With the groceries? I... I know ‘m kinda, I know I _struggle_ so… y’know thanks?”

What? “Oh, yeah, yeah of course kid. We’ll get you used to that sh— _stuff_ ,” didn’t matter how lost he was, he wouldn’t curse in front of the kid. “Just. Hold on a sec’ alright? Let me go and change and we’ll… head out?”

“On,” he swears he sees the kid’s eyes flick outside, his voice full of awe. “On your _bike_ Mr. Edge?”

Oh Jesus. Another person he couldn’t be mean to. Kid was too much like Mari. “Uh. Yeah it’s. It’s all I got, kid. That’s fine?”

Slim’s head does that bobble again and Edge desperately hoped he didn’t fucking lose it on the ride to the store. “That’s, that’s so _cool!”_

He tries, he really does, but his proud smile forms. His bike was pretty fucking cool, first fucking thing he ever bought and Edge made sure it looked _nice._ He took care of his shit. “You’ll be just fine, kid, you sit tight and I’ll go change okay?”

Edge can do gentle for the day. He could do it for Mari dammit! Besides, the kid wasn’t half bad, nervous as hell but not the worst person Edge could help get used to doing tasks.

He just had to hope that Slim didn’t fall apart from his nerves was all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, i am extremely biased for one anxious boy, what're you going to do about it. Some notes for this on heights. Cash is 5'10, Black is 5'6, Slim is 6'5. So from shortest to tallest we got: Black (5'6), Edge (5'8), Cash (5,10), Red (6'2) and Slim (6'5). And yes, all of Cash's nicknames are indeed related to weed, sue me. Black is just.. he's struggling, the manlet that he is.
> 
> Red: *Stares at Slim, just to see him shake like a leaf in the wind*
> 
> Edge: You fucked up a perfectly harmless monster. Look at him. He has anxiety now. 
> 
> Or:
> 
> Slim: Exists
> 
> Edge: I have interacted with Slim for mere minutes, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room, and then myself.


	3. Cakes, steaks and shakes

Slim was… he was  _ trying  _ . Edge would give him that but, he felt bad for the kid honestly. He was both in awe of the bike and looked one second away from running from it.

“Okay, kid take a breath, it ain’t gonna move out from under you, alright. See?” He squeezes the handles just to show that everything is fine. The jerky nod that he gets in return however, still vaguely worrying. Just a bit. But he believes in the kid, they’d just take the day slow. “If… if you don’t feel comfortable with this, we could. We can take the bus?”

Slim deflates his flush returning with his bobble head nod. “please… sorry, it’s. really cool mr. edge, really. i just…” his thumbs even twiddle together.

He sighs, giving the kid his best attempt at a smile. The bus was… not always great, but he’d do it. “You don’t owe me an explanation kid, it’s fine, honestly. You ever used the bus before?”

Another nod, this one a little slower. Less skittish. That was good. “a couple times, uh, my bro usually takes it with me if mari has to take the car.”

“Then you have your card?”

The skeleton scrambles to pull out his wallet, bus pass tucked into the front flap. There were even stickers plastered all over the thing. That was something. Maybe he could buy the kid some stickers for getting out of his comfort zone?

Nodding Edge tucks his keys into his pocket, “c’mon then it’s a bit of a long trek to the rest stop,”

“um… maybe i could…” it’s so quiet that if Edge wasn’t paying attention to the kid he’d barely hear it.

“What’ve you got in mind, kid?”

His fingers wring together, and squinting Edge notices the plasters on them. Soft colored and covered in flowers and other plants. It wasn’t any of his business to pry but… he’d get the kid some of those too. “it’s. well… it’s not much but, i could uh,” 

Raising a brow he stares until the kid stops his mumbling, spine going uncomfortably straight. “I’m not going to bite you.”

“i know that! you’re, you’re...”

Shaking his head Edge shoves a hand into his pocket to play with his keys. “No kid,” sighing he looks the kid in the eyes, not even caring for once that he has to strain his neck. “If you have ideas tell me plainly. I’m not going to… get mad at you or think they’re stupid or anything like that. You think you can try that?”

Slim gives another nod, still fast and nervous but, it’s not as heavy? He isn’t sure that’s the perfect word but it’s the one he’s going to use. “i just… i thought that, maybe since it was such a… y’know long walk, that i could just. teleport us?”

His mind blanks. Let someone touch him? Someone he doesn’t really know grab him? The fear simmers in his blood as the knee jerk reaction to say  _ no  _ echoes in his brain. Then, Edge counts. One, two, three, four, five, et cetera.

The skeleton couldn’t hurt him. Wouldn’t even if he could, Edge is relatively certain of that. Slim is all willowy bones and anxiousness etched into his very being; a stiff wind could move him and Slim would probably apologize to it.

Taking a deep breath he squeezes tight around the band of his keychain. Un-squeeze. Squeeze. Repeat.

“That,” Fuck. He sounds choked up and  _ nothing  _ even happened. He was supposed to be strong! Clearing his throat, Edge tears his gaze away from the monster ignoring the way Slim reaches out for him (he was just trying to  _ help  _ . Why couldn’t you just accept the help for once in your damn life,  _ Edge)  _ . “That would be… acceptable.”

“are… you’re sure... edge?” That was nice. Not hearing the mister in front of his name. He wasn’t that old.

Another deep breath. A quick swallow. “Yeah, kid… ‘m perfect. Let’s get going, there's groceries to get!” It sounds like a lie even to his own ears (you’re not fine Edge, that’s why you’re in therapy).

Slim doesn’t reach for his arm or anything part of his body, instead his fingers curl ever so gently in the fabric of Edge’s jacket, as if he’s holding something fragile. And really isn’t he? A piece of string pulled too thin and on the cusp of fraying– of falling apart.

They’re part of the world, then not; the void (as he’s come to call it) takes everything and nothing, his own heart— flashes of green and blue and oh so beautifully broken— and Slim’s a brilliant purple. All of it exists open and bleeding like a festering wound within the void.

Then on the material plan again. Feeling like he’d been laid bare Edge keeps his hands fisted in his pockets. Squeezing tight at the lining of them, able to feel the crescents forming even with a buffer.

Breath out. 

Breath in.

Out of the corner of his vision he sees Slim a few steps behind him, a wobbly, but still encouraging smile on his face. Something small is better than nothing.

They wait for the bus in silence. Two similarly struggling individuals.

The New Home Bus makes its way after what feels like forever, but was in reality little more than fifteen or so minutes. Sun high and climbing higher.

Shuffling on Edge tucks into the far back, hands still searching for purchase in his pockets. “You… not gonna sit, kid?”

Slim just shakes his head, grip tight on the safety strap above his head, body twisted in a way to keep others away from the pocket area Edge has chosen. “i, uh, i don’t really like sitting on buses.”

Chuckling he sinks into his own seat, head lolling to watch the pine trees lined out along the road. They had a decent trip ahead of them. “I don’t either usually… but, even old men need to rest sometimes.”

The monster squints at him, “uh, ‘m not like… i can’t even say i’m vaguely good at humans, but uh. you don’t look that old?” 

“‘M not, kid. It was a joke was all,”

The squinting continues, the gaze actually feeling a bit… disconcerting if Edge was being honest with himself, or at least. It was disconcerting until Slim let out a laugh, a short, shy thing, “i get it! it’s because humans have such short lives that you feel old even when you’re not!”

Well, not entirely correct but Edge wasn’t going to correct him. The kid was  _ laughing _ , not even Edge was that much of an asshole.

Instead, a small smile of his own forms; awkward and probably not the nicest sight because of the scar but. It’s nice to not scowl for once. “What do you know about humans, Slim?”

He scratches at his knuckles briefly before catching himself and slipping his free hand into his pocket to squeeze  _ something.  _ That embarrassed blush coming over his skull again, the kid was endearing. Edge was going to help him feel a little more confident, that was the least he could do. “not much… my bro, he uh, he didn’t really think it would be smart for me to go out when humans dropped into our… y’know.”

Oh. They were from a universe like Red’s.

“That, yeah sorry kid I won’t ask anymore.” Edge is… a lot of things; loud, abrasive, egotistical, et cetera, et cetera. But he isn’t an asshole to people that he doesn’t need to be.

“no!” It’s so  _ harsh  _ from a monster like Slim (all bird-bone and easy to slip away) that it startles him. A rushed apology forcing the harshness away quickly, “i, sorry, ‘m so, sorry m— edge. i.” He waves a hand, pleased to see that his fingers didn't tremble from the sudden noise, “i… we didn’t like it, but i don’t want to hurt anyone— i can show you if you want?”

It’s desperate. Desperate like an animal that’s been starving and came upon something dead; Slim needs him to agree. And… Edge? Deep down he knows he’s soft and tired, and always going to be a people pleaser even when he’s not sure he wants to be.

It takes another steadying breath, another squeeze at his pockets, as he nods, gaze forcibly strong as he holds a stare with Slim. “Sure, kid, go for it.”

They’re on a bus. A bus full of monsters  _ and  _ humans. Fuck. Edge needs to keep himself tethered. He can’t just panic in the encounter he’s no doubt going to be dragged into. Think you could fucking do that for just once brain?

The world goes fuzzy, like an old TV without signal, all the colors twisting and warping until only shades and tints of black and white exist. There’s his soul. Open and barred and  _ vulnerable.  _ (Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic; this isn’t the past. This won’t hurt).

He wants a drink.

Looking over the hud that appears around him, Edge convinces his brain to look at Slim. He’s still the same: over-sized fluffy jacket, plasters on his fingers, choker around his neck, canines long and tugged into a shy smile. Slim lives with Mari, and Mari wouldn’t let some punk live under her roof. This would be fine.

It would be. Slim was giving him the first turn.

He ignores the fight button, his head throbbing at the mere sight of it. Edge is  _ tired  _ of fighting, of getting fucked over and having no choice to.

Choosing act and then check without a thought, he still knows what he’s about to see. Or at least, a vague idea.

_ Papyrus. ATK: 1. DEF: 1. _

_ Is trying his best. _

And Edge laughs. A choppy thing that he’s grateful no one except the two of them can hear.  _ Trying his best _ . Fuck. He could only imagine what Slim would see if he checked.

But it doesn’t come to that. The encounter ends as quickly as it was initiated, the bus lurching to one of its last stops.

“it’s uh, time for us to get off?” Slim doesn’t touch him, doesn’t shake at his shoulder. Just leans down so that Edge can see his skull, that same wobbly smile in place. “do you need any help. getting off i mean? i, uh. i know encounters can be a little…” 

Huffing, Edge hears his knees pop as he stands. “‘M not that damn old, kid, jeez. Let’s get this show on the road.”

The stretch he does once they’re off the bus is a blessing. His back fucking popped again. Best feeling in the world, besides of course eating something that  _ wasn’t  _ greasy as all hell.

“Alright, kid, you got a list?” Because dammit he  _ would  _ teach the kid how to shop efficiently.

“uhhh,” The monster digs into his pockets, looking more frantic as nothing turns up. “just, yeah, i did!” 

“Kid,”

“it was. i had in my pockets i swear, it, it had to be,”

“ _ Kid,” _

Slim pats at his jeans sockets shining with magic, “i always, why can’t i just…”

Sighing Edge taps at the kids shoes with his boots, “You didn’t lose it. See, it’s right here,” He holds out the rather long thing, wiping the bits of dirt that had gotten onto it when it fell out of Slim’s pocket. “Don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing  _ fine.” _

There’s a little sniffle, and he can hear the way Slim’s soul flutters about in his rib cage with the built up magic, “okay, i, ‘m really sorry i just.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re nervous.” Another sniffle but at least the kid is looking at him now. “Anyone says something shitty and I’ll deal with them, if you struggle with something then you do. That isn’t something to be… ashamed of. You’re not perfect,” he scuffs his boots against the cement. He wasn’t really… good at this sort of thing. “And you don’t have to be. You, uh, need a break you tell me.”

Slim stares. And for a brief moment he feels panic, at the off chance that his rather shitty pep talk didn’t help at all.

“... okay,” It’s quiet, as everything about Slim  _ usually  _ is. “i’ll… i’ll try that,” He shuffles on his feet back slouching as he tries to tuck his skull into his hoodie. “thank you… would you uh. could you hold the list, please?”

“of course, you go ahead and pick a cart.” 

Slim hurries to grab and return with one, looking for all intents and purposes like an excited puppy, happy to have a task or a distraction. 

“okay, uh, what’re we getting first?” Well, at least the kid was more comfortable listening right now when compared to earlier, “there is, a uh, specific way to do this right? mari is always talking about that.”

Nodding he motions for Slim to push the cart as he walks, eyes scanning the list in its entirety, “You get the dry foods, canned stuff, and some fruits first. They won’t go bad if you have a long list due to the heat, and they’re usually the first to get taken.”

“and that thing, with the bag? why do you do that?” 

He glances away from where he’s wrapping some bananas. “Well we didn't bring any reusable, so I’m using the ones provided next to them. But because we only need a few I wrap the excess length so there’s room in the cart for other things.”

“and the vegetables?” The monster is leaning his full weight against the cart, watching in what Edge can really only call fascination. “why do you put them away from the fruit?”

His nose scrunches, “I can’t say any specifics, but fruits… they can speed up the spoiling of vegetables and even other fruits.”

Slim makes a curious little noise as he follows up to the bakery, sockets going wide as Edge moves the loaves at the front out of the way. “what… what are you doing?”

“Lookin’ for a better date kid.” He watches as the monster’s face twists up, so with a grin he takes the loaf with the best date. “You see the numbers? Those tell you how long it’ll last before it’ll spoil,” Slim nods, gaze transfixed, “So usually they put the ones with a better date in the back so the ones that are about to go bad will be bought first.”

“that makes sense… they don’t want it to go to waste.”

“Exactly, but if you buy the bread that’s about to go bad you have to eat it fast, and not everyone uses bread very often.” After ticking off the next few things on the list Edge leads him to the freezer section, “you’re going to pick the eggs alright?”

The grip he has on the cart tightens before his fingers carefully unfurl from the bar, and Slim mulls over the various eggs. “uh. i know that mari likes the cage free, i don’t… i don’t really know the difference, but, these ones have the best date?”

Humming Edge looks over the carton. “Yeah, and a good rule for eggs is that the sell by date usually passes, but as long as the eggs don’t smell they’re still safe to eat… can you smell?” 

Was that an asshole thing to ask? He’d never bothered to ask Red, but his ass wasn’t in charge of the cooking so he didn’t ever think to.

With an amused shake of his shoulders Slim nods, easing the eggs under the bread. Hey he knew to put the fragile stuff next to each other! “we can, it’s uh, kind of a common question because of the whole  _ hole.  _ ”

He gives the monster a flat look.

“what not a fan of yokes a dozen?” Slim’s smile grows wider as Edge just huffs heading farther into the freezer sections, adding everything on the list into the cart when he finds it. “okay, okay i get, no jokes, but, really. you can… you can ask me anything? maybe you could teach me about humans too?”

He side eyes him, leading Slim to self-check out. “Alright, you can ask me while you bag and pay, hmm? I’ll help if you get stuck.” The monster goes stiff looking at the machine as if it’ll dust him at the slightest movement. “Go one, go as slow as you want. One item at a time. It’s early and if someone says something I’ll talk to them, okay kid?”

He gets a slower nod, Slim’s hands working slow to scan things. Making sure it’s right. He doesn’t want to fumble and start all over and trouble Edge  _ more  _ . “okay… okay… i can do that… just,” he’s even careful when he places the bagged items in the cart, Edge is honestly a little proud of him. “so uh… you guys get sick? i know we’ve got… bone flu but that’s different?”

Edge hands him the bread. Happy to see that he gives it its own bag to avoid it getting squished by other things. Slim really didn’t give himself enough credit, the kid wasn’t as terrible as he thought. “Yeah we… we have quite a few more illnesses than the… bone flu? What is that, Red’s never mentioned it.”

Frankly, Red tried to avoid bringing anything up regarding monsters. And Edge, well, he wasn’t going to push. He could understand someone wanting their privacy; he definitely did.

“uhh,”

He raises a brow, “if you don’t feel comfortable you don’t have to share, c’mon kid let’s get going.”

And everything is fine. They’re carrying groceries, shoes clacking against the cement. Edge looks over his shoulder and… Slim’s gone. He blinks.

Of course he’d have the same freaky shit that Red did.

“sorry!” And he’s back, skull flushed and sweat beading as he reaches for Edge. 

He stumbles away flight instincts roaring to life from the fact that someone  _ larger  _ than him was reaching toward him without permission— gone again. Along with the groceries that were in his hands.

Fuck.

He leans against the seat at the bus stop, heart pounding in his ears as Edge rubs at his eyes. Slim wouldn’t… he wouldn’t hurt him. Probably couldn’t even hurt a fly. Fuck, he’d just. He’d apologize, he  _ would. _

This time the teleport lets a pop ripple from where it forms, a well meaning warning to help Edge calm down, as Slim slips through again. “I—“

“no, no, i shouldn’t… i should’ve let you know what i was going to do, i forgot that you weren’t, mari and i just,”

He shakes his head, squeezing his keychain tight, “no it’s.” Edge swallows, heart beginning to slow when no sudden movement occurs. “It’s okay. I’m okay, you were just trying to help, why… Why don’t we get something to eat? You put the groceries up,” he was so terrible at actual apologies, and he wasn’t even getting the kid real food. God, Edge why couldn’t you deal with this normally just once? “So. I’ll take you to get something, new human food?”

“are… are you sure?”

“Yeah ‘m… I’m sure. Have you ever had a Steak ‘n Shake?” It wasn’t his personal favorite by far, but if the kid was anything like Red, he’d probably enjoy the greaseball of an establishment, and if not the sweets were pretty good.

“no?”

“Let’s get moving then, it’s just a few streets down, I’ll pay for,” He sighs, “The panic. Sorry, kid.”

“oh… no it’s… i’ve done that before,” Slim scratches at his cheek an almost sheepish smile on his face as he follows Edge to this so-called ‘steak and shake’; no doubt his big bro would disapprove. “it uh, it took me a while to get… not better but.”

Laugh puffing out from his chest Edge nods, his grip loosening just a bit. “I get it. Easier to recover from?” They really we’re just two fucked up individuals in their own way.

“yeah…”

He ends up ordering for the skeleton when they arrive, amused at the way Slim looks are practically  _ everything  _ with awe. It’s endearing, most monsters acclimated pretty quickly to the surface and all the new joints… but. Edge had a soft spot for the ones like Slim, lost but curious about anything and everything.

Those monsters. Those were the ones that Edge knew he wouldn’t feel awkward helping; he was just like them once too, long ago. Not that any of them needed to know that.

Edge had a reputation to hold up after all. He just… had a soft spot… or two… or three.

He plops himself at one of the tables outside, pushing Slim’s chili dog and red velvet shake before starting to pick at his own chicken sandwich. “How do you…” he makes a vague gesture to his head, feeling just a little happy when Slim laughs.

Apparently he wasn’t terrible at this whole. Interacting thing. 

“uh, well,” Slim looks around, his shoulders smoothing out when he realizes that literally no one else is outside. Digging something out of his pocket, “well, these really, i uh… my brother helped me get a card.”

He just stares for a good solid minute. Edge wasn’t against weed, in any way. It helped for a lot of shit but, “How old are you?” He wasn’t going to condone underage smoking, at least not in front of him? Yeah there were a lot of other worse things, but being young, dumb  _ and  _ high all at once? A very probable disaster. Take it from him, he would know.

“oh.” A moment of silence. Then his registration card that all monsters had. “i’m twenty two. my brother… i don’t think he would’ve helped me if i was under twenty so,”

He nods, “Makes sense.” He swirls his drink at the edibles, “Those really help?”

“yeah!” Slim scratches at his cheek again, his flush not as bad as other instances, but still noticeable. “i uh, well, i’ve got really bad anxiety, and this. it wasn’t my first option? it was just, a lot of other medications kinda… clashed because of other… issues.”

He could understand that. Medication could get… messy when it came to what exactly you had to deal with on the daily with your mental health. “I couldn’t use it,” 

“really? this is really good by the way, thank you, i uh, i’ll have to show my brother!” That was… also endearing. Soon enough he’d be adopting the kid… not kid; even if it was still a little odd sitting and talking about mental health with someone a couple years younger. Way better than an actual teenager though, Jesus.

Humming he finished off his fries, “Yeah. Doc thought it’d help but, just made me more paranoid. We figured that it was safer to… to go a different route.” Aka the weed made him paranoid as fuck about big crowds, caused a major breakdown, and Edge had relapsed. Shit the monster didn’t need to know. “It’s been. It’s been going day by day.”

“that’s pretty fair,” he toys with the plasters on his hands, a tiny smile on his face as he looks at the food in front of him. “i don’t really… my brother tries to understand y’know but… he doesn’t  _ get it.  _ so. thanks for this too,”

“Anytime,” fuck. Why did he say that? He was hardly good at dealing with his own shit. “You want to start heading back? I can show you the bike one last time and then I’ll get you back home to Mari?”

That was the responsible thing to do right? Edge didn’t. He didn’t know how to interact without being a bit of a snark so even after feeding the kid and helping him with groceries this was… not something he was used to.

“really?” Right. Slim had liked his bike, been as interested in as Red had been when they first met. He could handle that. Then his hand reaches out before stilling, “is… is it okay if i warp us? it’d be quicker! and… cheaper?”

Hesitating for just a moment, Edge rests his hand on the monster's shoulder, scared that if the monster tried to initiate anything even after asking that his brain would flip it’s shit again.

The twist and pull of his very person doesn’t feel as violent this time; the Void isn’t as frightful as it was earlier. His mind is.

There’s no stumble as Slim settles them at the front of Edge’s door, careful to keep his hands to himself as the human takes a moment to readjust.

“you uh, you’re welcome to meet the dogs if you want?” It’s, possibly the most awkward thing he’s said all day. All stilted and unsure, because how the fuck did he do this all day?

Slim’s eyelights switch to stars as he practically vibrates in place. “yes, please! if, if that’s okay.”

Huffing he opens the door. “I offered, didn't I. Ladies!” The patter of claws against wood echoes throughout the cabin as Slim gasps at the sight of them. 

“they’re  _ beautiful!”  _ Which, admittedly, is not what most individuals say when they see his dogs. So yes, Edge was just a little proud at that statement.

Smiling his ruffles at Oggy’s ears, “Play Nice. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me,”

And with that he begins to get out everything he needs to make a strawberry shortcake. Stress baking. Loved that. The dogs and Slim playing was perfect background noise.

It’s as he’s slicing the strawberries when he feels the snuffling at his knees, Doomfanger sticking close, with Slim not too far behind her, looking just a little curious.

“what are you making?” 

He carefully sets the knife aside, knowing better to focus on one task at a time, “Cake, it’s uh, strawberry,”

“could… would it be weird if i watched you make it? mari… she. she gets testy whenever people try to help but, i like to watch her bake.”

“Oh, that.” He turns back to his strawberries, nerves falling loose; he was the same. “Yeah, you can do that… I don’t mind. We can uh, drop it off with Mari as a thanks for the cookies… and the quiche? Are you  _ sure  _ that was a quiche?”

It was rude, it was but he just had to ask. 

Slim just laughs, still petting Oggy where she sits at his feet. “he… he’s amazing really. but, cooking isn’t really his strong suit. he really did try though,” though the reason why… Slim wouldn’t share that and embarrass his big brother. 

Edge side eyes the lump on his counter. “Well… props to the effort. I hope his… lessons? With Mari work out. What about you? You have any hobbies or attempts at hobbies,” he moves around his kitchen easily, tossing the empty carton into the recycling bin as he moves to put everything into the oven.

“i do… it’s a little,” he glances at the table watching Slim’s face scrunch up, “i cultivate plants…”

“That’s,” actually kind of unique considering most things. “Are you the one that’s been fixing that flower patch up on the hill?”

“yeah! i’ve been doing it when i have the time… i didn’t think anyone noticed.”

“It’s nice, I’m glad someone’s taking care of it again… Mari’s wife used to.”

“she did?”

“Mmhmm. It was her passion, she loved flowers.” He sticks a toothpick in each tin once the timer goes off, working quickly to set everything in its rightful place. “Would you like a quick slice before I walk you back?” 

“if you wouldn’t mind?”

“No, cake is meant to be shared.” He cuts two slices from the rest, placing one plate in front of slim and the other in the fridge for Red to enjoy whenever the fuck he gets back. 

Besides, it’s not like the joy he gets from someone enjoying his cooking makes him happy or anything.

But there’s definitely something that warms his heart when Slim eats with gusto before he goes to slip on something a little less sweaty from the day.

Tugging on his gloves again he smiles when he catches Slim cleaning his plate. “You ready?”

“oh, yeah sorry just, gimme one more second.”

He just hums leaning against the wall. Waiting for the faucet to go quiet, Slim’s boots scuffing as he walks.

The walk to Mari’s isn’t terrible by any means, but this trek is nicer. The old ass Halloween lights and random decorations still about the place makes him smile, cake tucked under his arm as he knocks on the door. 

“Dearie, Scarface!” That was good old Mari. “Come in! Come in! Is that cake I smell?”

He huffs settling it on the table. “Your favorite, as thanks.”

“Are you staying for dinner, boy?” 

Uh, well. He hadn’t planned for it.

  
  



	4. Eat Your Heart Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I offer you: A softer Edge and swapfell red bros. Tomorrow? Who the fuck knows because i don't

He’s been in Mari’s cabin plenty of times. That doesn’t make it any less awkward with the uh, new  _ guests  _ she’s had for a few months now. Damn, how long had it been since he’d visited the old lady? “You, uh, just want me to put the cake on the counter?” 

Mari huffs, dragging him into the kitchen, fingers grasped around both her cane and the sleeve of his jacket. It was funny. She was one of the few people who could manhandle him and he wouldn’t freak, “The fridge, Scar! The fridge,” to punctuate it she even manages to wrangle open said fridge with her cane, “in, in it goes boy. My, my you’ve gotten so  _ thin  _ , you’ve been eating haven’t you? That big bone-dog of yours ain’t sneaking rations from ya is he?”

Chuckling, he shakes his head, the grip he has on the cake lightening as Mari rambles on and on about Red and all the food he enjoys. Figures that his skeleton would have encountered Mari at some point. “No, no Red’s… he just likes to eat. Enjoys anything and everything I put in front of him, no need to get up in arms.” She gives him a look, pushing him into a chair.

“Then sit, ain’t no neighbor o’ mine missin’ out on my cooking ya hear me?” He rests his chin on his hand as he watches the older woman busy about in the kitchen. He remembers his own cooking lessons with Mari when he was younger and burnt some damn oven rolls.

“Hey, Mars,” The lady whips around, somehow juggling the pan in her hand with vegetables and giving him her full attention. Mari was a damn goddess, he didn’t know how she did it, even after all the years that passed. “Slim here mentioned that you were, uh, passin’ on your recipes?” If he could call that… attempt at Mari’s signature quiche, a recipe.

There’s the sound of a throat clearing from the doorway, Slim giving a shy wave from behind the… what the fuck was Mari  _ feeding  _ them. “THAT WOULD BE  _ MY  _ HANDIWORK. I’M CERTAIN IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE YOU’D NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE, YES?” Ah. this had to be the older brother then.

“Boys,  _ table  _ ,” The shorter one grumbles, moving about the kitchen to set the dishes while Slim sidles up next to him. A nervous grin on his skull.

“don’t uh,” He scoots closer. Avoiding actually touching Edge but close enough to whisper, magic dampening his font no doubt. Even if Edge couldn’t really see it. “don’t worry too much about razz… he’s just. exuberant?”

“SLIM! STOP CANOODLING WITH THE HUMAN!”  _ canoodling?  _ Yeah. Razz was, unique wasn’t he. He pinches at the bridge of his nose listening as Slim sputters next to him. No doubt that flush of his was back in full force. “AND HUMAN!” Oh joy. He was being referenced now. He looks up through his lashes hoping that Mari will come to his rescue soon. Edge was going to be a good guest dammit. Even it killed him. “WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE QUICHE THAT MY MAGNIFICENT SELF MADE?”

“Mmhm, Scar how was it?” Dammit. He was facing the wolves alone. Head cradled in his hands he misses the way Mari nudges the more outspoken skeleton with a wiggled brow. Misses the way Razz fumbles with the plate he sets in front of him. Doesn’t catch the hissed,  _ Slim stop such shenanigans!  _ As he tries to think of a reply that hopefully wouldn’t tear the skeleton’s feelings to threads.

With one rushed inhale he lifts his head, more than a little lost at the red beads of sweat on Razz’s skull, “It was…” oh christ the skeleton actually looked  _ nervous  _ . Well, as nervous as one can look while setting out knives. Edge really was an odd case wasn’t he if he didn’t find that somewhat intimidating? “It was interesting.” That was neutral enough wasn’t it?

“SO YOU,” Edge waits. Watches the various expressions cross over the monster’s skull as he just sits at the table in bewilderment. “AS EXPECTED OF MY AMAZING SKILLS! YOU HAVE NOT THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE SUCH A DELICACY!”

This was going to kill him.

He hears Slim cough next to him, shoulders shaking as Razz continues on, even  _ Mari _ joining in. “Of course, baby. Soon enough you’ll be given me a run won’t you?” She even pinches the side of the skeleton’s skull, cooing at the red flush that takes over it entirely. Yeah, these monsters were clearly her babies. “You go an’ sit now. I’ll handle the rest. It is the first time you’ve met old Scar ain’t it?”

“OH, WELL CERTAINLY,” Razz scrambles over to his other side at the tiny table and faintly he hears the clack of heels. He tries to sneak a glance as best he can; a monster of taste at least. “I SEE THAT YOU ARE A FASHION CONNOISSEUR AS WELL THEN?” It’s so  _ eager  _ . 

His heart squeezes so tight that Edge is certain he forgets how to breathe. They were both so eager; it was endearing. He’d have to be tortured for him to ever say it aloud, or to either of their faces. Edge wasn’t  _ soft  _ dammit! 

Sneaking a glance at Slim the skeleton’s head is pillowed atop his arms, that same nervous smile on his skull, words slurred together as he refuses to lift his head. “he’s even got a bike. it’s super cool.” He feels heat crawl up his neck. Compliments weren’t… new by any means, but  _ genuine  _ ones those were uh. Those were new. “think his cake’s to  _ die  _ for  _ too  _ .”

“SLIM!” Edge groans barely noticing the look of glee that takes over Razz’s skull. Nor the way he nudges at Slim’s shoes under the table. “WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE WITH SUCH SUB-PAR HUMOR? CLEARLY  _ FASHION  _ SHOULD BE THE TOPIC WHILE WE WAIT.”

“so you can  _ fasten  _ the flow of the conversation, huh?”

“OF COURSE!” Edge can’t hide the soft huff of amusement that escapes from him at their antics. “OUR GUEST IS CLEARLY WELL ATTUNED WITH DRESSING—” The heat crawls up to his ears. He doesn’t dare to sit up from his hunch in case they see it. “— AFTER ALL JUST LOOK AT HOW CLEAN HIS CLOTHES ARE! NO CREASES! UNLIKE  _ YOUR  _ THINGS ON A GOOD DAY.” It’s even followed by a sniff as Razz motions to the crinkles in Slim’s sweater. “THOUGH… YOU DO LOOK A BIT MORE POSH THAN USUAL.”

Slim chuckles nervously as he fiddles with his sleeves. “uh, well, y’know how mari gets sometimes when i go out…”

“That’s right dearie,” And there’s the lady herself fixing up their plates with stir-fried vegetables and chicken. Edge can feel a smile take over his face at the familiar dish. She’d made this as part of his first cooking lesson. “And you look handsome don’t you! Isn’t he, Scar?”

He looks up trying to give the taller skeleton an encouraging smile despite the nervous flush spread across his skull and even across his joints from the looks of it. Compliments were… hard. “Uh, you look much cleaner than Red does? He’d come out in a bleach stained shirt if I let him.”

Razz scoffs fixing the sleeves of his button up. It was rather formal for a normal dinner wasn’t it? Slim’s brother sure did pull out all the stops. “DON’T LET HIM FOOL YOU…” He blinks, his head turning so fast that Edge wonders if nearly snapping their necks is a skeleton monster thing. It sure does fucking seem like it at this point. He even looks hesitant now, that cocky tilt to his face down-turned as he fumbles with his hands, “UH. IT… IT’S COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT MARI HAS FORGOTTEN TO DEIGN US WITH A PROPER NAME. IF IT WOULDN’T BE… IMPROPER FROM WAITING SO LONG WHAT DO WE CALL YOU? CERTAINLY SCAR ISN’T YOUR REAL NAME YES?”

Sending Mari a look he props up his chin on a hand. “And, what if it is dapper?” Another flush takes over Razz’s skull deeper in color. 

“O-OH WELL, THEN.” He fumbles with his hand awkwardly holding it out for Edge to take. Next to him he hears Slim giggle to himself already working on his plate. “I UH, I MEANT NO DISRESPECT TO SUCH A… UNIQUE—”

“‘S Edge,” He gives the hand a brief shake, more than a little amused at how formal he’s treating all of this. Mari’s boys were so  _ awkward  _ . “Just Edge.” 

His sockets furrow as Edge lets the hand drop away. “HUMANS… DON’T ALWAYS HAVE LAST NAMES?”

“Not all of us, baby,” Mari sends him a soft look, patting the back of his hand as she finishes up filling the plates, putting a second serving on Slim’s without a thought before taking her place at the head of the table. 

“THEN… WHY NOT BE CONSIDERED AN HONORARY SERIF?” It’s hesitant and Edge doesn’t miss the way that Slim does a double take from his chicken. Eyes almost comically wide. 

“you can’t just ask things like that!” he hears Mari cackle from her seat as Slim’s hands points straight at his brother in exasperation. “razz that’s like. you’re not a  _ lord  _ anymore you gotta,” His skull flushes purple again, voice turning soft as he stumbles over the word, “  _ woo  _ humans,” 

He tries his best to hold in the laugh that wants to force its way out at the affronted look on Razz’s face. A burst of red taking over his body as he flounders thinking back on his words, “NO. I! HUMAN! STOP THAT!” He tries to keep the amused shaking at bay by sipping at his water, snorts still audible. Christ Mari’s boys were amazing. “IT. I, I KNOW HOW TO, TO…  _ WOO  _ ,” they both say the word as if its something taboo that Edge fucking looses it. “EDGE! OH WONDERFUL,” He  _ pouts  _ .  _ Pouts,  _ deflating in his seat as the red that’s bloomed across his face refuses to diminish. “THIS FIRST MEETING IS A  _ DISASTER _ .”

“No, ‘s,” He clears his throat, willing the lingering heat from his laughter to disappear as he takes another sip of his water. “‘S good, don’t worry. This was uh, pretty nice. I’ve really… missed out on things like this.”

Mari quiets reaching across the short table to grab his hand with a soft squeeze. “Y’know you an’ your big lug are always welcome, Scar. My home is your home an’ all that,”

“Yeah… yeah I know Mars,” Maybe he could make a bigger effort to come and see her and her monster’s a bit more? They were neighbors after all weren’t they. Clearing his throat in an attempt to clear up any emotions he works up a smile; probably awkward, a little strange. But a certified Edge smile. “You uh, you can always come and knock too… just ignore the dogs, they're real sweet.”

“and cake?” It’s Slim, the stars taking over his sockets again. It really was adorable. “maybe you could show his lordliness how to make it?”

He sneaks a glance to the other side of the table, almost blinded by how eager the other skeleton is. They were like puppies. The both of them. One a large but ultimately skittish dog. And the other something small that would no doubt bark and bark and bark, but would settle near something they were comfortable with. “A WONDERFUL POINT SLIM! HOW ELSE WILL MY CULINARY JOURNEY IMPROVE UNLESS I LEARN THE SKILLS OF OTHER PRACTITIONERS? EDGE I LOOK FORWARD TO WHENEVER YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SHARE YOUR KITCHEN WITH ANOTHER!”

“Mmhm baby, Scar here’s a pretty fancy lad when it comes to food. Drinks now too if my memories are still kicking,” She snaps her fingers sitting up straight, “You got that bar didn’t you boy? Some time or so ago.”

Rubbing at the back of his neck he gives a nod. Honestly, Mari was kind of like the caregiver he never had. He couldn’t help but feel a little bashful when prompted to talk about his achievements in front of her. “Yeah, Mars I did. ‘S kinda smal—”

“Nonsense, Scar!” He ducks his head, his own embarrassed flush taking over his cheeks as She fusses, “A place is a place is a  _ place!  _ I'm sure you made it nice, I can feel it in my left arm,” she even nods, and it’s such a  _ Mari  _ thing to do that he can’t help but smile.

“Nah, Mars ‘m pretty sure that’s just the phantom pain actin’ up,” She huffs a fond roll to her eyes as she looks at him, her hand moving in the usual:  _ well don’t leave us waiting.  _ “It’s in the southern district of New Home. Kinda toes the line of entering New Ebottt. Red works as security sometimes.”

She nods in approval. “It’s a good thing you’ve got such a loyal friend,” the flush returns full force. They weren’t  _ friends!  _ Red was just… a long standing tenant he bitched at, made sure he fucking ate and occasionally jok—oh Christ they were friends. “Mmhm, there it is Scar. Heads finally workin’ huh?”

Playfully she punches at his arm, “‘bout damn time you let people in,” meanwhile he was having a fucking  _ crisis  _ . “Dearie when did you get that? Dinner’s not even finished!”

Slim at least, looks somewhat apologetic as he puts the cake in the middle of the table. “sorry…”

“NO YOU’RE NOT,” Razz huffs, tossing a napkin his way, sneaking a bit of the cake onto his own plate. “ALL THAT TIME WITH THE CANINE UNIT AND ALL YOUR MANNERS ARE GONE! DON’T MIND HIM, EDGE, HE CAN’T HELP BEING A MUTT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.”

Slim just snorts like it’s some kind of joke, “least  _ i  _ didn’t propose on accident.”

“NEW TOPIC!” Edge is sure that if he could see it, Razz’s  _ entirety  _ would be as red as his face. He coughs into his hand when he realizes he’s getting looked at, eye lights focused everywhere else except Edge’s face. “THIS… ESTABLISHMENT? OF YOURS, IS IT OPEN TO THE GENERAL POPULACE? I’M SURE FROM HOW HIGHLY MARI SPEAKS OF YOU—“ He wonders just briefly if he looks like the roses on the hill. He feels like he could put them to shame at this point. “— THAT IT WOULD HAVE A SELECT CLIENTELE, WOULD IT NOT?”

That was… that was actually kind of nice? People didn’t usually expect much from bars. “No it’s open. Monsters are encouraged to visit,” He swallows, focusing all of his attention on the food in front of him. “I’ve managed to get my hand on monster geared ingredients and drinks to offer them some more… familiar dishes if they want them. And plenty of non-alcoholic drinks as well,”

“you, uh, you think we could ever come and visit? we won’t cause a mess,” 

“I’LL MAKE SURE THAT THE BOTH OF US DRESS IN A WAY THAT IS BEFITTING OF YOUR ESTABLISHMENT!” 

They’re so  _ earnest  _ . It’s nice. Chuckling, he nods. “Sure, sure come and visit whenever. Shifts usually start kind of late and I can’t promise that I’ll always be on duty, occasionally things keep me away,” Like having to do favors for the damn government. Or the more enjoyable food deliveries to the various monster communities. “Red’s usually on duty though even when I can’t head in. He’ll make sure no pricks mess with you.” 

He watches Slim do that bobble with his head, a higher quirk to his smile, “we’ll definitely visit, maybe you could uh, lemme help out?”

“DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON  _ SCHOOL  _ RIGHT NOW? MARI AND I ARE ENOUGH FOR THE BILLS RIGHT NOW YOU KNOW THAT,” 

Slim rubs at the back of his head, sockets crinkling up at the edges, “yeah i know… just… y’know,”

“What’d I say earlier?” He waits until Slim peaks up at him, fingers carefully folded inward. He probably did the same thing that Red did. Scratched things too hard by accident. “Go ahead and share. I’ll be up front with you.”

“i just… like you saw today. ‘m not really the best at social stuff… my plants are nice and all but,” He sighs cheek bone pressing deep into the curve of his arm. “i should be trying to get out more, yeah? i just thought that maybe i could… i don’t know wait tables? you have tables there right?”

Huffing he nods. “Course I got tables. Bars aren’t  _ just  _ a counter you know. Look, you two visit first and if you’re still interested maybe we can talk about it? What’s school like?” 

Slim beams head lifting up from it’s pillow as he straightens out. And oh, he talked with his hands. That was, that was an easier way to differentiate him from all the skeletons he was meeting lately. “i love it! it’s… it’s a little slow sometimes but i've started up a class on hybrid plants and our goal of the semester is to get a couple to grow successfully and if we can’t to document  _ why  _ it might not be a successful pairing.”

“HE’S LEARNING SOME REALLY INTERESTING THINGS,” Is that  _ pride  _ he hears from the shorter skeleton? “YOU’LL HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOUR CLASS CAN KEEP UP WITH YOU.” Slim flushes happily wiggling in his seat, as he gives that little smile of his. 

“And what about you, Mr. Dapper?”

He still can’t help but laugh at how bright Razz turns. Apparently they were just as bad as him when it came to certain compliments. Handing his plate off to Mari he ignores the strangled sound Razz gives as the skeleton tries to compose himself. “I. WELL. RIGHT NOW I DO WORK AS A DESIGN ASSISTANT FOR A BOUTIQUE IN NEW EBOTT DURING THE WEEK AND OCCASIONALLY AS A SECURITY ADVISOR FOR A CABARET CLUB. HOWEVER, I DABBLE IN A BIT OF EVERYTHING.” 

“Sounds like you got plenty on your plate. Be sure to look after yourself, alright?”

“OF COURSE! MY PHYSIQUE AND HEALTH ARE OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE IF I AM TO CONTINUE SUCH WORK,” He sniffs, even as his hands fiddle under the table, leg bouncing almost nervously. And yes he does pointedly ignore Slim’s giggling. He was being a  _ brat  _ . “I MAKE CERTAIN THAT I DO NOT PUT ANY UNDUE STRAIN UPON IT. THE CLIENTELE AND WORKERS RELY QUITE HEAVILY ON ME AND I REFUSE TO PROVIDE ANYTHING LESS THAN MY BEST!”

“It is getting rather late, baby. Why don’t you walk Scar home? Make sure no ruffians encroach upon him?” His cheeks burn at the prompting. 

Clearing his throat he avoids looking at the human. He was magnificent and sturdy; a simple  _ human  _ was not going to unnerve him! Even if he was an interesting fellow. He could see the callouses on Edge’s hands from where he sat. Would it be too forward to ask for a fight? To seal their camaraderie? Perhaps a different time… “IF… IF YOU WOULD FIND THAT ACCEPTABLE I’M SURE I COULD ACCOMPANY YOU ON A WALK,” fuck, it cracked. Shooting Slim a glare for his snickering he clears his throat, “BACK HOME. ONLY SO LONG AS YOU FOUND IT NECESSARY,”

Edge looks at him, eye half lidded and a smirk on his face. He definitely understood why Mari always compared the human to a cat he most certainly acted like one. He shrugs his shoulders, the movement fluid and easy as if he wasn’t intimidated at all by the thought of walking home in the woods in the  _ dark  _ with a  _ boss monster.  _ Stars, Razz wanted to have one good encounter with him. Physically Edge seemed a competent sparring companion but Mari was right… he was rather skinny. Even  _ Slim  _ ate more than him.

He’d just have to take up more lessons with Mari and send Slim on his way to drop off the food. 

“Sure,” He snaps back to attention, nervous sweat beading at his temple. “C’mon Razz let's get going. Don’t want to hold you up for too long,” Nodding he scrambles for the door opening it up even as Edge chuckles in amusement. “Hey, I ain’t gonna bite you or nothin’. It’s just a walk.”

It was more! Razz had to piece back his dignity from earlier! “I AM AWARE. HOWEVER, I TAKE SAFETY QUITE SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE BEARS IN THESE WOODS AFTER ALL.” And some monsters from the college down the way occasionally. They often tried to cause a ruckus. His traps would most certainly deal with them though; they were small fry.

“Mmhm,” Edge stuffs his hands in his pockets, hair falling into his face as he slouches, heavy sighs coming from him. “I appreciate it. You guys aren’t so bad y’know. You and Slim can uh, you guys can stop by whenever I guess. I can’t promise I’ll always be home but…” Razz watches as his shoulders stiffen, his nose scrunching as he scowls. “Pass me your phone,” 

He does so an amused tilt to his socket as he watches another flush take over the human’s face. Maybe they were in the same boat when it came to interaction. Perhaps a brawl  _ would  _ be a possible positive encounter. He could see it now! Edge would be a fantastic fighter, not enough to beat his magnificent self, but a competent sparring partner nonetheless.

It’s tossed back sanctimoniously as Edge turns his head into the hood of his jacket. Scanning over the message he can’t help but cackle louder.

_ Edge _

Stop fucking laughing

“Thought I said to stop that,” There’s no real heat. “Just. if you were… if you were serious ‘bout wanting to learn how to cook and shit. Text me or call, or whatever!” Edge was such an… odd human.

With a grin he doesn’t even realize is growing by the minute he falls in step with the human. “SANS THE MAGNIFICENT WOULD NEVER DARE LIE ABOUT SUCH INTERESTS!” Edge sneaks a glance his way, a huff of something coming from him even as he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah I believe ya,” not bothering to rise from his slouch he looks up toward the sky focusing on the dinner plate in the sky so he didn’t have to really look at the monster next to him. God, why was he so awkward on his own? “You uh, you enjoy bouncer work?”

He scowls, arms crossing. “IT IS NOT  _ BAD  _ WORK. I HAD JUST ASSUMED THAT THE WORK WOULD… “ He pauses searching for the right words. “I HAD FALSE BELIEFS THAT IT WOULD INCUR A MORE  _ PHYSICAL  _ APPROACH IF YOU WILL. IT IS STILL WONDERFUL TO ADD SECURITY MEASURES TO MY WORK OF COURSE AND TO LAY SIEGE TO ANY UNRULY HANDS THAT ATTEMPT TO REACH FOR THE WORKERS WITHOUT PERMISSION. BUT THERE IS SADLY LITTLE ACTUAL FISTICUFFS.”

Edge hums from next to him, faltering to his steps as he sneaks a more nervous glance. “You. You really big on violence or somethin’” Ah. Clearly not open to the idea of a friendly  _ rough  _ encounter then. Perhaps he would ask when the gap between their knowledge of one another wasn’t so large.

“NOT QUITE. OUR… PREVIOUS HOME WAS RATHER RELIANT ON THE ABILITY TO FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL. IT HAS BEEN A… DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENT. I AM NOT UNAPPRECIATIVE OF THE NEW WAYS TO DEAL WITH SUCH INSTANCES OF DISAGREEMENT BUT,” He looks at his hands. The scars that mar them, the heavy pressure he has to use to move some of his fingers. “AN ITCH COMES UPON ME SOME DAYS WHERE I NEED A MORE  _ PHYSICALLY INTENSIVE  _ METHOD TO BE SATISFIED FOR THE DAY.”

“Join a boxing club.” It’s quiet, different from the raucous laughter in the kitchen and the easy conversation. Edge is even hunched refusing to look anywhere in his direction. “‘S healthier than just beating the tar out of people in some of the seedier places. There’s some monster friendly places in town.”

“I WILL… LOOK INTO IT,” Edge just nods, mouth pursed into a thin line. “THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING AN ALTERNATIVE.”

“Course, this is uh. This is the place,” The lights were on. He raises a brow bone hardly able to open his mouth to ask before Edge is fitting the pieces together. “‘S Red. Probably got home a little bit ago,”

That was the bouncer. Crossing his arms Razz climbs the stairs a little behind him, “HAVE A. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT? AND I WILL ALSO HAVE ONE TOO,”

“wow, boss,” His smile falls as he turns to the monster in the doorway, head craning just the slightest bit. He puffs up, just to try and add a bit more height to himself. All it does is make Red snicker, “down boy, down,” red over takes his skull again as he scowls— of all the stupid things! “skitter on back to yer master, huh?”

“YOU—” 

Edge pats his shoulder, an amused quirk to his lips. “Have a good night Razz. Thanks for walking me home. You get back fine now, alright? And don’t forget about those lessons if you’re serious.”

His mouth snaps shut as he nods another bobbling action that makes Edge chuckle. Only to point at the taller monster, “YOU, BRUTE!” Was this kid for real? Red spares him a glance out of courtesy as Edge slips into the house behind him. How many puppies was Edge going to adopt? Really it was becoming a hassle. “YOU HAD BETTER DO YOUR JOB AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE!” oh for the love of— he was  _ still  _ going,

“look, chihuahua, it’s  _ late  _ ,” It’s gruff from exhaustion and a general tiredness that seems to cling to everything now. Still, he can’t help but find the other skeleton’s bristling funny. “you’d best head on home ‘s late and the adults are ready for bed. you should go before i decide to  _ throw  _ you back.”

He closes the door before the yapping monster can get out anything more. Settling his weight on the couch next to Edge, noticing that he wasn’t so drawn tight for once. “you tryin’ ta cuddle or some shit?” Not that he was really for or against it, it just wasn’t a very typical thing.

“Mmhm,” well. That didn’t really answer shit did it. Sighing, he sits down fully, steadying Edge when he lets the gravity drag himself into Red’s shoulder. Guess they were doing this then.

“what’s got you so…” he waves a hand. Pausing when he realizes that the human’s eyes aren’t even open. He was just tired then. Figures. Social battery was used up from the day. “alright, yer not stayin’ like that if we’re really doing this tonight.” He props Edge up like a rag doll head against his shoulder as he situates the human to sit up long ways on the couch. This was better. They both had more room this way. “what’cha got in mind for the night, boss?”

“Great British Bake Off,” He snorts, watching as Edge barely opens an eye to make sure he actually changes the channel. Usually more than content to keep the thing on a standby channel. Sometimes it was just background noise while he worked on plans for the bike. “You see the cake I left you?”

“mmhm, was waitin’ until you got back,” He feels the short lived grin rather than sees it as Edge shifts, no doubt he was going to fucking fall asleep here again. “i’ll tell ya how it is later. get some sleep, you look like shit, boss.”

There’s a snort. “Not the first person to let me know. Might have people over more often,” He perks up, careful to keep Edge from falling off the couch entirely as he listens to the further slurring words, “Razz, ‘e’s the older brother,” damn, what the fuck did they  _ feed  _ monsters from the other undergrounds? Red was big, but that was damn rare. “Tryin’ to cook.”

“... was he the creator of the lump?” He hears the quiet hum and laughs, steadying the human as he starts to slide. Damn. The chihuahua had a long journey ahead of him if  _ that  _ was his first product. “an’ the kid?”

“‘S not a kid. Twenty-somethin’” Well, he had the height for it. “Wants to work at the bar. Said they had to visit first before I’d give him a shot. Y’know how it can be,” Yeah. some of the patrons could be a little messy. 

“in th’ mornin’ boss.” Edge just hums again not really there anymore. “i’ll be here in the mornin’ you just get some sleep.” It’s the easing of his breathing that lets him lean against the back of the couch, jacket shrugged off to drape over the both of them as he watches the cooking program. This was good… his human was pretty damn lonely.

Besides, more hands at the bar was always welcome. They’d just have to pass the Red certified test first was all. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edge: Teases monsters very faintly because hes comfy
> 
> Razz: What the fuck is normal functioning? Bitch I'll fight you 
> 
> in other news we continue with the trend of Big Monsters because i love that shit and you have to pry it from my dead hands to get me to stop. Razz is 6'0 and still very much has a height complex.


	5. It's The Good Kush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change some of the dialogue to capslock and lapslock because its easier to type even though i dont like it as much.

Razz’s nose wrinkles as he and Slim come upon the _Pipe Dream._ It isn’t the name itself that makes has him feel a vitriol need to summon a blaster and— as it would be rather unfair to Slim that he got rid of the only decently located dispensary in New Home— instead it just so happened to be the dopey-eyed monster manning the counter. “MUST WE _REALLY_ INTERACT WITH THE… DEGENERATE,” Slim gives him a pleading look that makes him sniff in annoyance. The skeleton is a degenerate that wasn’t Razz just being rude. “EVERY TIME WE PICK UP YOUR ORDER?” 

The skeleton was bad enough when they all first met. It was a shame that he and his crook of a brother were the closest establishment. If not for that _one_ thing Razz would’ve burned down their store and reported their rather obvious tax fraud long ago. But… Slim’s health and stability was far more important than his own rather important grudges.

With a grumble he opens the door with a bit of magic— no way was he _touching_ that. He tacks down the hiss that wants to erupt from his body from the familiar way that Cash perks up at their arrival. Why did his little brother keep attracting ingrates! And there it is again— Slim smiling when he shouldn't! He would’ve thought that even with the new softer place they were living in, with what their world was like, he would still have some survival instincts. 

“hey cash,” Cash gives a lazy wave, mouth curving into a smirk as he moves about behind the counter. Razz glowers from where he’s situated behind his little brother, head held high to look the lazier skeleton down. Slim’s choice of friends was simply terrible. “how’s business been so far?”

They’ve been coming here for a year and that nervous twing wasn’t gone. With a sigh Razz steps forward patting the back of Slim’s head playfully. No real power behind it now that neither of them had to play a certain role… it was nice. This freedom to act like real siblings out in the open. “I AM SURE THAT CASH IS QUITE BUSY, SLIM. LET’S HURRY THIS ALONG SO THAT WE CAN GET YOU HOME—” Slim un-hunches at the slight touch fingers uncurling from their tense hold. He turns back to the lazybones of a monster. Really how did Slim keep attracting such terrible company? “— IT WAS AN ORDER OF CARAMEL COFFEE, THE 40 COUNT-”

Cash waves a hand ignoring him completely, “yeah yeah boots i got it. It’s my eye that’s shitty not my memory. Your brother was talkin’ let him,” His socket twitches fingers curling. How _dare_ such an impertinent creature _ignore him_! He blinks at the tiny tug on his sleeve looking up at Slim, a slight shake to his head the only reason he wills down the perfectly valid and necessary need to rib into the other monster. All the things he did for Slim he would’ve thought that his younger brother would have better friends.

Slim was such a good monster! An intelligent monster! A tad withdrawn and awkward certainly. But Razz’s little brother was still more amazing than the decaying smoke stick in front of them. With a sniff he turns his head away, arms crossing to avoid throwing a bone to trip the other monster. It would serve him right for ignoring Razz’s magnificent self but for some reason Slim liked the monster. It was only that reason that he held himself back. 

Cash conjures up a tongue just to stick it out behind Slim’s back as he looks over the extra special and unique shit that Cash had made up just for him. Sure some of it was just to see the grumpy ass’ face go through several stages of bereavement as they stayed longer in the establishment but it was also partly— very, very _minorly._ Barely a grams amount he’d even say— because the other skeleton had somehow weaseled his way into his good graces. “what’cha think?” and y’know… maybe just cause the other monster got so excited over his concoctions.

Him and his brother might be loan sharks but that didn’t mean that they didn’t have the best damn business front. Cash took pride in the work that he did. Even if it wasn’t a lot. It was as the kid’s these days said— and would probably get him smacked over the head by Sans— Slim had Baby Energy.

Poking his tongue out again he can’t help but feel a tickle in his bones at how easily it is to rile up Razz. “can i really have one?” he blinks, looking back to the skeleton of the hour with an easy smile. Really how did prickly get such a monster as his brother? Slim was a riot, especially when he got excited over being allowed some new things.

“sure, why not.” they didn’t come around too often so… Cash could unhinge his grip around his money-obsessive ways just once or twice a month. Hell there were _stars_ in the other skeleton’s eye lights as he looked over the candied goods. Straightening up from his slouch Cash points to one of the ‘pops. A new batch, he’d only started making more after Slim had asked about a more portable kind— and after Razz had quite literally laid into him with the worst stink eye Cash had ever encountered after he’d said no— and it was smart. Their profits had improved quite a bit. “’s strawberry and mint this time. Remember that you said the other one’s had a bit of a harsh taste. Smell should be better too…”

He scratches at his cheek to tamp down the flush that wants to take over his skull at the beam Slim directs his way. He was even _rocking on his heels._ Stars. Sweat starts to bead on his spine at the unamused look Razz points in his direction the raising of a socket code for: _hurry up before I make you._ Clearing his throat he points at the rest listing off the flavor and the improvements an unbridled glee coalescing in his soul at the excited wiggle to Slim’s fingers as he picks the chocolate and coffee mixed ‘pop. “this one!” Cash can’t help it. He gives a real smile at the jittery way Slim pockets up his stuff only faltering when Razz slides up to the counter card in hand, right. The bulliest dog of them all. 

Jesus why couldn’t he catch a break from _one,_ just one, older sibling. “c’mon boots there’s no need to get so _puffed up,_ ” Slim giggles ducking his head when Razz gives him a flat look. It was still a win in his book. Grinning growing wider he leans forward daring to tap at Slim’s nose bridge even as Razz arches like a pissed off cat, he really was too fun to mess with, “‘m just _playin’ with the cat,_ now go an’ have your good giggles.” He swipes the card quickly sending a wink Slim’s way just to see Razz make an aborted strangling motion before he stomps out an aggrieved,

“SLIM! YOU CAN MAKE MUCH BETTER FRIENDS THAN A WEED DEALER FROM A VERY SHADY UNIVERSE,” then after a comically long pause that has Cash falling back into his chair from how defeated it sounds, “ _PLEASE.”_

Jesus they were his favorite fucking customers. Giggles still falling he can barely tilt his head back to see Black walk through a disgruntled twist to his expression, “WAS THAT THE BABY AND HIS IDIOT BROTHER?” Ah! He said it! Eye bugging out Cash howls missing the way Black looks more than proud of himself, “WHAT? IT WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION!”

“yeah,” it’s still wheezy as he rights himself wiping a tear from his eye. This day was fucking amazing. He got to fuck with Razz and his brother just said that with his whole being! “yeah, that, that was them. the normal pick up,”

Black hums sliding off his gloves controlled as usual. It makes him snicker as he thinks of what happened not too long ago. It had to have been a week or so now? He was supposed to hound down Red for the next payment for this month sometime soon. After all, Razz and Slim only had pick ups at the start of the month and near the end of it. They were in a way how he kept track when he didn’t want to look at the calendar. “AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE _YOU_ LAUGHING AT.”

“Oh, y’know,” he gestures at his brother watching in amusement as the older skeleton’s face pinches up in confusion. Black even looks over his clothes again in case he missed any buds or powder. Grin wide he gives his bro some mercy, “your whole… _incident_ ,” He giggles again. His brother had been _glassed_ when he’d stumbled his way home. A good thing frankly. Cash had been fucked up himself and there was no way he could’ve kept his brother from yapping at the wrong tree if he’d been sober enough to notice. “You musta tried layin’ it on real _thick_ —ow!” 

Black’s skull flushes his fingers refolding to make another thump against his forehead. “I WOULD SUGGEST YOU MOVE ONTO A DIFFERENT STORY,” Huffing he rubs at his forehead. His HP didn’t drop, they were both careful of that but it _still_ hurt. “OR NEVER SPEAK OF IT AT ALL ACTUALLY. THAT WOULD BE SMARTER.”

“fine! yeesh, a monster can’t even joke around here anymore,” Black moves his fingers closer. “okay, okay! i get it! zipped!” He even drags his fingers across his mouth to prove his point. Damn. Who would’ve thought that his brother would be that embarrassed? You get rejected occasionally that’s just how it goes. Plus… Black was a pretty bad loan shark with what his plan was but Cash would root for him. Because that’s what siblings did? Maybe? Eh. “... did you get him to agree to anything?”

Black gives him a flat look. An inhale. “YES.” oh well that was—

“what!” the absolute betrayal! His brother had been glassed and only talked about _failing._ “what did you succeed at?”

He bristles. “ARE YOU SAYING THAT I _DON’T_ SUCCEED AT THINGS?”

Cash pauses, mouth shut even as Black thumps his head again. Okay, yeah he deserved it but… “to be fair. What do you do successfully? Quickly.” Black spins on his heel a flicker of blue magic zipping around the room… what was he… “no! not my babies!” he scrambles out of his chair to launch himself atop his stash even as Black continues walking the lump and Cash following. 

“THIS,” Black says simply looking up at him with… was that _amusement._ Of all the fucking things. “FINDING WHERE YOU PUT YOUR TERRIBLE HABIT.” He makes his sockets wider jaw jutting out like he used to as a kid. Hey it might still work. Black just looks at his wrist expression flat once more as he wiggles a single carton free of the pile. Watching in vague amusement as Cash reaches for it. “IF YOU HAD JUST FOR ONCE NOT DONE THAT,” as if! Cash had dumbass in his marrow! It was like telling him to shut up. He just couldn’t do it. If he had gossip and didn’t run his mouth he’d _die._ “I WOULD HAVE LEFT THESE ALONE. MAYBE THIS WILL MAKE YOU PICK SOMETHING ELSE UP.”

“I take it back! I take it back!” Black just raises his socket again with a twist to his mouth that shows very clearly that he doesn’t believe Cash. “you’re the coolest! You succeed at a lot! Like this place! You got us this place _and,”_ Black’s expression evens out a crinkle to his eyes that shows he’s back to just a teasing mood, “you make sure we’re always fine. You do a lot of things successfully. i just wanted to mess with you.” Laughing as he and the pile is set down, Cash stuffs two of the expensive cartons into his shirt. Those were his babies and Black was _not_ going to get him to give them up so easily. “really though. what _did_ you get him to agree to?”

“CATERING.” what? They were _paying_ for it now? At his confused look Black sighs pinching at the bridge of his nose, “IF WE PAY FOR IT THERE IS LESS OF A CHANCE THAT HE WILL BETRAY US. HIS MONETARY SITUATION IS TERRIBLE!” oh here we go again. The human was pretty, Cash wanted to fuck with him. Because that was _normal_ for him. This was… odd. How could they be good loan sharks if Black kept trying to give him money for _free?_ “OH DON’T START WITH THAT LOOK PAPYRUS!”

He puts his hands up as the universal: _I'm not doing anything shady._ “What look? This is just my face!” 

Black squints at him hands on his hips as if that was still intimidating. That stopped getting Cash to stop being a little shit when he realized he was taller; it was about as intimidating a miniature cactus. “AS I WAS SAYING,” the gaze doesn’t end until he sits back in his chair miming another lock gesture over his mouth. “HIS MONETARY SITUATION IS TERRIBLE. HE CAN BE A VALUABLE ASSET!”

Cash toys with one of his cigarettes ignoring the disgruntled look he gets sent. He wasn’t smoking it at least. “how exactly your greatness?” 

Black ignores the bland tone as he lifts a finger other hand tucked behind his back as a grin spreads across his face. Cash watches in amusement as his eye lights fight to settle between hearts or cross-bones, “FOOD. YOU ARE AS MUCH AWARE AS MYSELF HOW VALUABLE FOOD CAN BE WHEN IT COMES TO DISCUSSIONS WITH VARIOUS MONSTERS POPULATING THE WORLD— ESPECIALLY THOSE _BRANDY,”_ he couldn’t even hide the snort if he wanted to try. “BASED WEAKLINGS!”

“well if my math is correct. That’s just one thing bro… not enough to offset the profit we’d be losing from how…” he twirls a cig lighting to take one puff. He needed this to talk sense. Black could bitch all he wanted. “ _generous_ you’re being. gimme something’ else to work with.” Being a pretty set of bones wasn’t enough either or Cash would be racking in more than could be thought of.

Black rolls his eyes. His brother was so nearsighted! “THE BRANDY BROTHERS PAPYRUS!” He gets a soft hum, the scratch of a pen against paper telling him that Cash was actually taking this seriously. “MY MAGNIFICENT SELF HAS DISCOVERED QUITE THE… SECRET. THAT HUMAN HAS A HISTORY OF INTERACTING WITH THE MONSTERS OF THE PAST IF HIS RECORDS HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.”

“... since when did you have access to records?”

He presses a finger to his mouth a manic gleam to his eye. “MY SECRET TO KEEP DEAR BROTHER. ONE I WILL EXPLOIT TO THE FULLEST. THIRDLY, AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE HUMAN HAS ACCESS TO DISTRICTS WE’VE YET BEEN ABLE TO LAY ROOTS DOWN!”

Cash perks up. “... you want to peacefully infiltrate huh?” It wasn’t a bad idea per se. They targeted human majority districts… the disparity was still quite large. “guess you could be considered the _brains_ of the family after all. Hmm maybe you just went about your offering’ the wrong way, you know business visits aint always—“

“OF COURSE!” Black grabs at his shoulders shaking him in what Cash can really only call excitement. What had he done? “THE BUSINESS VISIT WAS ALL WRONG. THE MANUAL,” what? What manual? Squinting up at his older brother Cash tries to think, “IT HAD SAID THAT MAGNANIMOUS VENTURES WERE TO THE HOME!” 

What! No, no no! He about falls out of his chair to stop the bone head, chuckle taking on a nervous edge, “uh no no I don’t think that’s the best idea—“

“NONSENSE!” He shakes Cash off blue magic toting him back to the chair. “THIS IS BRILLIANT CASH! SIT TIGHT AND WATCH YOUR BROTHER SUCCEED!” 

Sweat drops down his spine as Black dashed out of the store. Oh this was terrible. A terrible idea. The worst. He looks around the store nervously… he couldn't really leave though. “oh black don’t do anything stupid.”

* * *

Red drags a heavy hand down his face. This couldn’t be happening. “why,” he mumbles, eyes rolling at the sheer _stupidity_ of this whole situation. They had to have a few bones loose if they showed up at _Edge’s_ house while he was still here. “can you leave.” He wouldn’t cause a ruckus. He wouldn’t cause a ruckus. They didn’t have the money to fix up the place. “I would rather not start our day handing’ you yer ass.” 

He just had to shoo the other monster away before Edge woke up. Perfectly doable. 

“THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY,” Black even clears his throat, not moving a step closer to the house as Red looms above him. “I AM SIMPLY HERE FOR BUSINESS—”

“oh right. that.” His steps are silent as he makes his way down, hands digging into his pocket to pull out a wad of money. This would’ve been a non-issue if he’d kept gold on him like a normal fucking monster. But no Red had to be a prime target for mugging attempts in his universe. Not that anyone succeeded. “puff-bar’s usually the one who does this. _get_. you got yer fuckin’ money.” 

Black huffs again ignoring the money. “NO YOU BIG LUG.” why couldn’t he just have one normal fucking day. Just one. It was _early_ they didn’t have any fucking coffee left and Edge was going to pissy without it. “I AM HERE TO SEE YOUR HUMAN,” oh not this again. “I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR HIM.”

With a sigh Red picks up the smaller monster without a second thought intent on dragging the creep off of their property. Boss why did all the fucking weirdos flock to your bar? It wasn’t like they had a sign that screamed: _easy human come bug!_ He could really only take so much of this bullshit before he snapped. Sure Edge was nice- _ish_ to monsters, he would threaten to hit you over the head with a fancy bottle of scotch if you pushed, he could kick most people’s asses if he tried! But Christ, this was getting tiring. Couldn’t they just have one day? One day where weird shit didn’t happen and Red could chill with the dogs while Edge prepared an early dinner and then they would head to work. 

“look,” he shakes the squirming monster until Black sneers up at him. “‘M tellin’ you this for your own fuckin’ good,” Black opens his mouth probably to say some stupid shit. He seals it with blue magic just for another few blessed seconds of silence. “boss isn’t gonna date you. Hell he’s not gonna date _anyone_ if his answer to anyone asking him is any consolation.”

He looks down when Black stops wiggling his face twisted up. Undoing the magic that’s keeping him quiet he prepares himself for the barrage. “WHY WOULD I _DATE_ HIM?”

Pausing in his steps Red looks down at him in bewilderment. Black couldn’t be serious. Not after what he fucking said at the bar. Dragging another heavy hand down his face— it was too early for this shit. It really, really was— Red feels a spark of annoyance once he really thinks about the answer. “why _wouldn’t_ you?” Red didn’t like a lot of humans. They were grumpy and so fucking annoying about people not deserving this or that. It wasn’t hurting anyone! Food! Now that was important, but instead these people were arguing about if they were sentient creatures are some shit. Meanwhile Edge? Great. Amazing. Short as fuck temper but he _got it._ “edge’s fuckin’ great. _you_ should be at his fuckin’ feet beggin’ for a chance isntead of…” he waves at hand at Black’s entirety, “just showin’ up like a louse!”

Watching the other skeleton’s expression scrunch up Red feels a new kind of annoyance. They were all idiots. Each and every single one of Edge’s stupid fucking suitors. The monsters didn’t even know how to go about this! Most of them didn’t know jack shit about humans and Red had to deal with their misguided attempts nearly daily! “I BELIEVE THERE HAS BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.”

“how the fuck do you figure that?”

Black’s face shifts through several expressions at once before finally settling on a scowl. His sockets furrowed in confusion. This was going to be amazing. “LOOK. I JUST WANT TO HELP _PAY_ FOR THINGS. HE CAN KICK MY ASS,” at least the runt knew that. Edge might not be as big on fighting as he used to be but Red knew his humie could still give most boss monster’s a run for their gold. “I WOULD LIKE TO BE… IN A PARTNERSHIP.”

Red stares at him unblinking. He… Black couldn’t be serious right now. There was no way in hell the manlet was serious right now. He makes sure the words come out slow so that dumb as fuck pocket monster understands, “you want to be edge’s sugar daddy?” he doesn't even bother to hide how incredulous he is. This is the worst way _anyone_ has tried to proposition boss. Like. the worst. Red is honestly tempted to set the tiny fuck loose and watch how Edge sends him flying. 

“NO?” well. That wasn’t really confident, was it. Black motions to be put down Red only following suit because this whole situation is a mess. He nods in acknowledgement at the action before clearing his throat. “MAYBE?” he hurries up when Red’s eye light bursts to life a grimace on his skull, “I DON’T KNOW? THOSE ARE PLATONIC AREN’T THEY? I PRODUCE NO SUCH… SUGAR! AND I AM NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT SUCH A THING IS!” he slows down again when Red’s hand retracts the fist falling at the lug just stares at him.

“clearly short stack,” He bristles at the jab grinding his teeth to reign himself in. Why did the human have such disgusting companions! “say that one more time.”

His nerves get the better of him as his voice cracks, “I WOULD LIKE TO… TO ENTER A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP WITH THE HUMAN!” Red holds his head in one of his hands as he starts heading back to the house. He would just. It was too early for this. “DO NOT RUN OFF YOU COWARD!” a thunk from the house makes them both freeze before Red tries to usher him off the fucking steps. 

It’s the sound of fonts beating his head in like a jackhammer that forces Edge out of his comfy cocoon. He wasn’t sure who the hell thought it was polite this fucking early in the morning to come and harass him and Red but by all the power invested in his fists Edge was going to head in swinging if they didn’t shut up soon. Falling asleep on the couch next to Red needed to stop being so common. They had _beds for a reason!_ Not to mention the hell week started today so this was just _spectacular._

Oggy whimpers nose pressing against his cheek as Edge gets off the couch and bundles into the jacket still draped around him. His babies came first before that though. With unbalanced steps he fumbles his way into the kitchen, the pitter patter of paws following in his wake as Edge awkwardly fills their bowls.

The fonts were _still_ bouncing around outside. Of course it was skeletons. Everything seems to be skeletons nowadays. Rubbing at his eyes his hands search for the coffee machine, “you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.” nothing. Nada. zip. With a growl he slips into the spare shoes at the front of the house. Great now he had to be a fucking asshole because some monster wanted to do whatever the fuck they were doing on his property.

Edge lived in the _woods!_ Who in their right mind bugged someone this early in the _woods._ He squints eyes adjusting to the limited light. He rubs at them again. “What the _fuck,_ Red?” this had to be a nightmare. Had to be.

Turning on his heel bleary eyed and sure as fuck certain that _that was not the seedy fucker from the bar_ — no thank you Edge was not dealing with that today thank you very much— he grabs the only thing in his house that can be considered a weapon: an old ass cypress bat he kept for memories sake. It looked worse than any damage it could deal.

Old ass bat now in hand he heads back out to the stairs a snarl stretched across his face, “get the _fuck off my lawn,”_

Black sweats casting a nervous glance Red’s way as he swallows. He had known that Edge had a rather… violent history— though from the records he’d found that had ended some time ago— and as striking as it was to see a human so unafraid of a boss monster of his standing Black was here for diplomatic reasons. He puts his hands up like Cash does feeling uneasy with the motion, “IF YOU COULD PUT THE WEAPON DOWN—”

“ _Off the lawn sleazebag,”_ Red huffs, sending a triumphant smirk short stacks way before Edge directs his attention to him. “And _you!”_ He straightens up sweat starting to bead on his skull as well from the tone. Fuck. fuck. Fuck. he should’ve been to the store and back by now. 

“boss, wait. we can explain,” Edge’s eyes narrow an arm tucked around his stomach. God no wonder he was so hostile this morning he always got like this when his body decided to act up. With a swallow he shoves Black forward taking very little joy in the way he stumbles and rushes to straighten himself up like a cadet ready to be inspected… Edge definitely had that effect on people. “he uh, wanted to talk to you ‘bout somethin’.” 

Black could dig his own grave. Red was not keen on pressing any of Edge’s buttons today. The shorter skeleton fidgets with his shirt sleeves, a nervous smile on his face as he keeps sending Red desperate glances, “YES! I DO!” Edge doesn’t raise the bat, but he doesn’t lower it either. He takes it as a sign to continue. “I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU SOMETHING—” the bat raises just slightly, “— NOTHING LIKE A RELATIONSHIP! YOU ARE… VERY WELL BUILT? BUT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN SUCH THINGS,” it lowers again. He heaves a sigh in relief. Black understood now. He did. Edge would not hesitate to bonk him over the head with a glorified stick if he said even one wrong thing and didn’t clarify quickly enough. This was great! This was the rush that Black missed! A battle of words! “MIGHT I COME IN FOR AN EASIER DISCUSSION?”

The sweat starts to drop down his spine at the unnerving stare before Edge closes the door in their faces. “UM.” he glances at Red. clearly the bonehead knew the human the best and for the moment it seemed as if they had a tentative agreement of sorts. 

Before he can ask anything else, Edge returns bat gone from his hand and Red’s jacket zipped up the entire way looking more like an oversized coat than anything atop his turtle-neck and slacks. It was actually… somewhat nice looking. He sneaks a glance the lugs way blanching at the smirk that meets him. It was like dealing with a child. Black knew that some of the other universes were caught up in some rather silly protective movements; he hadn’t thought that _Red_ would have acted the same. Clothing. They really thought that clothing would protect others. The fools.

“Coffee shop,” it’s a grunt as Edge tugs at Black’s bandanna and fists his other hand into Red’s collar. Black feels his soul pound at the easy way he’s dragged. Wowie this human really didn’t care that he was next to two boss monsters. “You don’t speak until after I’ve had at least three sips.”

“boss—”

“Coffee shop, Red.”

“yes, boss.” Black can’t help but laugh at the subdued tone. How often did this happen? Then of course he’s getting dragged through a shortcut without warning the colors fleeting about faster than he can really process. 

The hand around his bandanna falls the heat leaving his bones as Edge smiles up at the _Little Miss Muffet’s_ Sign. God bless this place. Walking in he ducks into one of the side booths as a tiny spider hops up, “A Martinique Pink Drink,” Black eyes the furry little creature only taking a step in once Red blocks the human inside. This was not what he expected. “And two spider donuts… plus whatever the hell dark and broody over there wants,”

Black eyes the little writing pad in the spider’s grip. This was… very different from his muffets. Subdued of course in structure but it seemed softer in a way that she would never allow herself to be. “I WILL PASS.” Edge sinks in his seat the collar of Red’s jacket hiding half of his face seemingly content to just wait in silence. Picking at his claws Black thinks of _something, anything, “_ SO—”

Edge’s hand goes up Red looking ready to chuckle, “Three sips first. If you want me to hear you out shut up. Talk to Red. Not to me until then.”

He sends an incredulous look Red’s way. To which all he gets is a shrug. This human was so… odd. Most wouldn’t _dare_ to interact with a boss monster of his standing and yet Edge had told him to shut up. It was in nicer terms of course but Black understood what he meant regardless of the wording. This partnership was going to be worth it. It had been so _long_ since anyone went toe to toe with him. “get th’ fuck outta here with the hearts,” Black would almost say it was _teasing_ without any of the heat from earlier. Apparently they really did have some unspoken agreement for as long as Edge was… dealing with whatever humans dealt with. 

Flushing he clears his throat forcing away the hearts with a nervous chuckle. “MY APOLOGIES. I DO NOT HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER SUCH MINOR MAGIC USE,” Red raises a brow an expression that reads as, _are you fucking stupid sharing that?_ He folds his hand on the table legs shifting uncomfortably underneath the table. “I HAD ASSUMED THAT WITH SUCH… _EASY_ ATMOSPHERE THAT I COULD SHARE SOMETHING MINOR. A, UH, SHOW OF GOOD FAITH IF YOU WILL.”

Without a word Edge gives the spider a few crumpled bills before taking the tray from it, eyes closing in what seems like bliss as he focuses on his drink. Red chuckling all the while next to him. Really what was so funny? “EXCUSE ME.” 

“what runt?” Red barely looks up from the donut the human’s passed him nibbling at it like they weren’t in what was clearly _neutral territory_ and having breakfast while Black struggled to get his thoughts together. How often did they do _this?_ “can’t ya see it’s eatin’ time.”

He feels his socket twitch involuntarily as he plasters on a smile. Counting the amount of times Edge swallows. That was three. He knocks his foot against the human’s leg lightly cursing when he gets a boot shoved at his pelvis. Ohh this would be a wonderful partnership if Edge would fight with him as well physically and not just verbally. “Don’t fucking touch people without permission.” 

Raising a brow he flattens his expression even as the urge to laugh builds in his rib cage. The human was wonderful! Black couldn’t wait to see him give a lashing to the Brandy Brothers and all the other humans who didn’t understand their way of working! The collections would stop if this meeting went well. “YOU DID GRAB ME WITHOUT PERMISSION.”

Edge opens one eye looking for all intents and purposes like a lazy cat Red’s jacket making it apparent just how much smaller he’s built than the monster beside him. Black knew that monster’s were more often on the larger side in most of the other universes and that he and Cash were rather small in comparison but Edge seemed to hide his prowess under layers. A smart tactic if he had ever seen one; get your opponent to underestimate you due to your size. “You needed something from me. This is on my terms if you weren’t willing to put up with it you'd be long gone. The fuck do you want now.”

It’s very clear that it isn’t a question. Real smile over taking his face Black ignores the warning growl that echoes in their booth as he leans closer, eye light bright as he takes in the languid way that Edge treats this. It was fascinating. Really. “STAND DOWN YOUR HUMAN IS JUST FINE,” it gets another growl that he rolls his eyes at. Red was so full of himself! Edge could clearly handle himself in a battle of words. “I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND A PROPER PARTNERSHIP TO YOU.” Edge just hums still working on his drink. He continues on any way. “YOU’VE ALREADY ACCEPTED THE CATERING JOB—”

“Hosting.” He blinks not able to find the need to scowl even after he was blatantly interrupted. “‘S my bar. I’m _hosting_ for your...meeting.” 

He nods. “YOU HAVE ALREADY ACCEPTED THE _HOSTING_ JOB,” Edge just nods clearly feeling less… hostile than earlier. That was a good sign. “I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU A LONG STANDING PARTNERSHIP. IT WOULD BE SIMPLE. YOU PROVIDE US A PLACE TO OCCASIONALLY HOLD MEETINGS AND PROVIDE FOOD. ON THE RARE DAY I WOULD ASK OF TO… LOOK AT SOME PLACES IN MY STED.” 

Red shifts uncomfortably as Edge stays silent for a few moments. He was never this quiet when it came to people encroaching upon his place. Either he was about to do something stupid— and Red would no doubt join for the ride (because he wouldn’t let the fucker fall down alone)— or tell the runt to shove it. Either he was fine with. Edge was a reckless human even if he was better than a year ago he was _trying_ and Red wasn’t going to let him go through with a stupid ass decision alone. “You keep fights out of my bar.”

“OF COURSE—”

“I wasn’t finished.” He sits up moving his hair out of his eyes so he can stare the shorter monster down a crooked twist to his smile. “You don’t _ask me_ to hurt anyone. I don’t do that shit anymore so don’t fucking expect it. Third. I expect you to stop hounding Red for fucking money. Fourth,” He reaches for Black’s bandanna tugging him close, “Don’t ever proposition me for shit again or I will knock your teeth out. I own the ability to alter this as I see fit. Deal?”

He ignores the thud in his soul that’s screaming to treat this as an encounter. Forces his hand to come up and still in the air for Edge to shake. Ignores the way the human’s fingers feel so brittle underneath his own grip (he had _energy_ his bones might be more brittle than Black’s own but Edge would be a hell of a fight to have) a smirk over taking his skull at the shake, “DEAL. AS IT IS NOW PERTINENT INFORMATION I WOULD SUGGEST THAT WE RETURN TO SOMEWHERE MORE PRIVATE.”

“Red. if you would.” Black watches in amusement this time as the lug reaches for them both the tear opening behind Red’s seat as the larger monster tugs them back. The colors aren’t as difficult to focus on but it doesn’t make them any less striking as he feels the ebb and flow of the world alter around them.

Today was a glorious day. Now he just had to share… some possibly upsetting news with his new partner before leaving. The ground under his feet gives an unsteady groan as they end up in Edge’s kitchen, the human already rummaging around for a piece of paper. “You can go if you want, Red. ‘m pretty sure I can handle this one on my own.” 

Red grumbles, “can i have my fuckin’ jacket back before i go and buy your ass sweets?” He even holds his hand out expectantly as if this is a common affair. Black honestly can’t help but be intrigued by it all. “yeah yeah curse all you fuckin’ want boss ‘s my fuckin’ jacket.” 

With a huff Edge slides it off sitting down in just his turtle-neck and slacks, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. “Hurry back. You know how busy the shop gets.” He looks on wide-eyed as Red ruffles the human’s hair howling when Edge _hisses_ at him before poofing out. “Fuckin’ hate when he does that!” a scowl on his face Edge works on taming the curls all over again before glaring at the skeleton across from him, “the fuck you want? Be specific.”

He blinks.mouth opening. Closing.

“Hurry up! I don’t have all day to dally like you might, you want this in three weeks right? Then hurry up so I know what to purchase to set the place up.”

He scrambles to sit up straight in his seat, “IT’S FOR A GROUP OF MONSTERS.” Edge snorts a quick _figures_ under his breath as he writes something on the paper. Black squints… his handwriting was… atrocious. With another swallow he lays into it, “I BELIEVE YOU KNOW OF THEM AS THE MONSTERS WHO HAVE RESIDED ON THE SURFACE DESPITE OTHER UNIVERSES HAVING US LOCKED UNDERGROUND.”

Edge grips the pen so tight that Black wonders if it’ll burst. Though, this does confirm that the human knew who he was talking about. They resided in Old Ebott, still far away New Home… it was still a curious thing on how exactly Edge got involved. When he looks up again the glare sears into him so harshly that Black feels his spine tense involuntarily. “ _No violence._ Either of you break _anything_ and I will crack in your skull like an egg.”

Smiling he lifts his hands again, “I SWEAR ON MY SOUL THAT NO HARM WILL COME TO YOUR ESTABLISHMENT. THIS IS A DIPLOMATIC MEETING… I SIMPLY BELIEVED THAT… _FAMILIAR_ FOOD,” Edge’s nostrils flare teeth gritting; at least he picked up on what Black knew. Such a smart human. “WOULD HELP THINGS ALONG. I’M SURE YOU AGREE. YOU DO HAVE SUCH AN EXTENSIVE MENU FOR MONSTERS.” 

“Black,”

“YES.”

“If you don’t hurry up and give me a fucking menu I will kick you out and let you starve.” 

Chuckling he offers a less jaded smile leaning back in his seat so that Edge doesn’t feel so crowded. Perhaps he was having second thoughts about sending Red away? “OF COURSE. AS I WAS SAYING I AM CERTAIN THAT DRINK FROM THEIR TIME WOULD BE WELL APPRECIATED WITH HOW SET IN THE PAST THEY ARE. I WANT THIS TO BE A HOMELY YET FANCY MEETING. I’M SURE YOU KNOW HOW PICKY THOSE BROTHERS CAN BE.” 

“ _Fine.”_ Edge shifts once more pen scratching against the paper even as he continues talking. “Lounge suits for both you and your brother. Don’t wear anything white. I’ll turn the bar into as close to the old cabaret club as I can. You just don’t fucking break anything and your deal will be fine. I will set the tables and Red will prepare the drinks but _I_ will not be in the front room even if you pay me that much.” 

He narrows his sockets. “You _have to_ —”

“I don’t have to do shit!” it’s a snarl as Edge moves his hand away an angry cat cornered in his own home. “I am no longer involved with _that._ My bar is my fucking bar and as long as you get your dinner everything will go fine and they will never step inside it again. Am I clear?”

Well. Black would just have to see to that. Giving a stiff nod Edge finishes up his writing. “CRYSTAL. I WILL SEE YOU IN THE EVENING… WE WILL KEEP YOUR ADVICE IN MIND.”

“Get the hell out then.” 

With a playful bow Black shows himself out. Edge would be making an appearance for the dinner. He was key to Black getting what he wanted and the human would just have to deal with a slight inconvenience. Besides. He wanted to know the human’s history and sometimes a rough hand was needed to learn information that wouldn’t be so freely given.

* * *

Trudging up the stairs with a grumble Red opens the door with magic so he doesn’t drop all the shit he bought. Toeing off his shoes he blinks at the sight he comes to in their living room, “uhh, i uhh. i got the… boss what the hell are you doing?”

Edge just grunts ignoring him as Red eases the shit that won’t melt onto the table. That looked like a photo album but Red knew for a fact that Edge didn’t have any goddamn pictures of himself. “Hand me damn bar Red. it’s gonna be a long fucking month.”

Snorting he tosses the chocolate to Edge’s lap flopping onto the ground next to him when he figures he won’t get a shoe thrown at his head. “so you gonna share?”

“Remember what I said about family?” He squints, wracking his memory even as Edge continues on like nothing. “If the original is bad for your mental health then store bought is fine.” oh yeah he did say something like that. Sneaking another glance at the album— where the fuck had Edge even been keeping the thing— he wants to curse. Of course he knew that Edge had been into trouble since he was younger but jesus. “That,” he nudges the album with his boots a hiss to his words, “was the store bought kind… then it fucking blew up in my face,” 

With a sigh he digs for another chocolate bar. “they comin’ to dinner then i assume?” great. Family reunions. Just what Red had signed up for.

“Fuck no!” Snorting he sits up to really look at what Edge was working on. It looked like some kind of pattern. “I ain’t interacting with any of the grifters. You though,” oh. Red didn’t like where this was going. “You know what I do and I’ll prepare stuff in the back kitchen you think you could handle being the head of the place for a night?”

He puffs air through his nose. “fuck it. Fine.”

This could only go terribly. _None_ of their ideas ever worked out. He’d fucking do it though and he’d do an amazing fucking job even if he didn’t really want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black, gets manhandled: I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN ANYTHING IN ME 
> 
> Also more fun facts! in the southern states at least Bourbon and Moonshine were the most popular drinks during the prohibition era.


	6. To Blouse for an Egg Harbor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say. That after this and probably the next chapter I have acquired a new dislike for 20's slang and how awkward it really is. But yes this is just a continuation of some very soft boys

“Stop _moving!”_ It’s hissed as Edge grips Red’s shoulder to keep him from squirming away from the measurer. “It’s not going to fucking attack you. But _I_ will if you move again I swear to god— _Red what did I just say!”_ This was the worst goddamn day of his life. The absolute worst, worse than the time he’d been forced into a fucking wool swimsuit in _winter!_ The bastards thought it would keep him warm. 

“c’mon boss, ‘s weird,” Edge glowers up at the monster, his eye twitching at the _grin_ on Red’s face. The bastard was doing it on purpose! Baring his teeth he forces Red to stand straight once more, knocking his legs into stance and arms as relaxed as he can force them to be. Why had he agreed to this? Edge hadn’t fucking made clothes in _years._ He should’ve just called the cops on the weird skeleton, went to court, gotten out, and then returned home to Red to watch their goddamn soaps. Not _this!_ “why th’ fuck do ya even need to measure me? i can just wear my my fuckin’—”

“You are _not_ wearing that god awful tuxedo shirt,” Edge would _kill_ him. He didn’t give a damn about the law. If Red wore that fucking shirt he’d feed him to the dogs— he _would_ ! The lug would deserve it if he did that. Edge was this damn close to pulling out his _hair_ — and kept his head just for the fucker to watch. “Red I will physically detach you piece by piece if you do that to me right now. I mean it.”

Apparently, some of the hysteria he’d feeling slips through because the ass of a roommate actually falls still grimace taking over his skull. “a’right, a’right, i’ll fuckin’ stand still. get this shit over with i don’t like being _bare boned_ ,” 

“I hate you. I really do right now.” Still the joking helps— not the Edge would ever admit that aloud— as he takes in a deep breath before taking another pass at the skeleton's sleeve measurement. God, Edge had to do so much shit. He’d have to check his wool supply, clean the fucking thing, and then work his ass off whenever he could; there would be no breaks at all for him over the next few weeks. “No! Ninety-degrees— there we go. Use that big head of yours,”

Red chuckles casting a worried glance down at him that Edge very pointedly ignores. He was _fine._ This was fucking perfect. This wasn’t nerve wracking in the slightest. “Why exactly do i need this again, boss? ‘s not goin’ be comfy is it? _boss_ what about my _jacket?”_

He can’t help the snort at how aghast the monster seems about the fact that he can’t wear his jacket for one night. Edge would keep the damn thing pristine and clean— Red just couldn’t wear it for _one_ night. Just the one. He’d live. “I told you why,” Red just gives a flat look, his brow bone rising in that _and why the fuck do you think i’d remember after only one explanation_ way that he does sometimes. Squeezing at his nose bridge he pauses in his measurements, keeping his tone as steady as he can. Edge wanted to wallop Red over the head sometimes. “The _meeting._ The one I’m _hosting.”_

Red waves his hand in the, _keep talking_ way and Edge swears a puff of air blows out of his nose. Reiterating himself might have helped any other time except right now— he was stressed! He didn’t want to admit it or ask for help! Because he didn’t fucking want it, but Edge was _stressed_ —”okay. and… that explains jack shit on why i’ve gotta dress all fuckin’ fancy. If you ain’t noticed ‘m kind of a real—” he wouldn’t _dare,” slunge,” he did!_

He just drags his hands down his face as Red snickers to himself. This is what Edge got for ever trying to explain what 20’s slang was like. He lets the lug watch _one_ goddamn movie from that era and he slips the shit in just to annoy him. God Edge hoped the smart ass didn’t use it at the bar. They’d die. “I am going to pretend that you never said that,” ignores the amused _oh c’mon boss i’m just barbering with ya_ and tries to go back to taking measurements. “Red, I’m serious. Don’t joke right now. The suit is so that you _look_ like something they’re familiar with— the whole fucking twenties thing and all. Wool suits _are_ comfy I’ll make it right ‘m nt gonna let you die of the fuckin’ heat—” Did skeletons even get hot? “—and _no_ you cannot wear the jacket. It’s inappropriate.”

“... but it’s my jacket,” don’t look uo, don’t look up, don’t look— goddammit he looked up. Red is giving him the _worst_ puppy eyes Edge has ever seen in his life. Sockets are weirdly glittery and shiny and he _hates it._

“Don’t look at me like that. You look stupid,” Red just scoffs thankfully not moving even as Edge imagines the new expression on his face. “Look. if it makes you feel better I’ll bring it along so you can change when it’s over. I’ll keep it clean and pressed and there won’t be a fucking _wrinkle_ on it. Deal?”

He gets a grumble. Sneaking a glance up he feels the urge to shake Red by his shoulders at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. He was _pouting._ Actual to god pouting. Edge was going to have an aneurism before he got to his mid thirties. “ _why not?”_ and whining. That was new and he decided right then and there that he didn’t like it.”

“Stop that,” He knocks Red’s legs apart again when he shifts. This was going to take forever. “Because it wouldn’t look right that’s why. The suit jacket will be comfy! Stop crying it’ll just be for a few hours.” 

A growl this time as Red steps away forcing a grumble of Edge’s own. “I want a bit then.” He couldn’t be serious right now. He couldn’t be, not in his fucking _boxers_ in the middle of their goddamn living room! Edge just stares up at him dumbfounded by the way he just goes and grabs his jacket and leaves him there with the fucking measurer! “I’ll fuckin’ behave and shit but you ain’t takin’ my jacket from me _until_ the whole shindig starts.”

“Red.” The lug turns away from him. Starts digging through his old records and all Edge can really work himself up to is throwing his hands toward the sky and flops against the couch. Okay. maybe. Just this _once_ a break could do him good. Edge had torn into all of his old storage boxes looking for pictures of suits and patterns from the era and he was _tired._ So, so so tired. He was at his wits end and maybe an impromptu break would—

His ears burn as Ruth Etting’s _I’m Nobody’s Baby_ starts up on the record player. Scrambling from the couch he rushes to shit the thing _off_ only to be swept away Red’s howling laughter echoing in the house. Hell he even hears the dogs’ _tail_ swishing. They knew what this song was and Edge feels heat creep over his face further. 

“Turn it off!” There’s no real heat behind it— just thinly veiled embarrassment as he wills the blush to go away— as he struggles out of the light grip to turn off the record player. “Red I mean it— there’s better records!” 

Red just smirks down at him— he was going to _wallop_ the bastard!— an amused glint to his eyes as he looks over at the player and awkwardly moves them away, god, this is the _worst._ “c’mon boss, _come and take a chance with me!”_ It's such a terrible croon that Edge actually laughs, his dogs rushing into the living room to prepare for the coming show. “We gotta be authentic don’t we?” Red even does that stupid brow wiggle of his— and Edge _still_ doesn’t understand how the fuck bones work that way— but his laughter overpowers his ability to really say _no._

“Red! We have work!” it’s sputtered as Edge tries to force himself to stop laughing at the horrible attempt the monster is making to sing along to the old time classic. 

“just this once, boss,” it’s serious all over again the teasing tone all but gone as Red stills his awkward movements grip as light as the air. “take a break. just this once.”

Sneaking a glance at his record player Edge bites down at the inside of his cheek… he was embarrassed most certainly but it’s not like Red would run his mouth off. Besides… he was _right._ He wanted the lug to be authentic as possible. Taking the hand offered to him he tilts his head up and away, “... I guess I could give you the privilege of an authentic dance lesson from the era,”

“oh so now you’re a fuckin’ expert, ey?” Edge just gives him a look as _Sam, the old accordion man_ starts up. “a’right, a’right i got it… lead away,” 

It’s not the most fitting of music perhaps to dance the foxtrot to but in Edge’s very fine opinion Ruth Etting was as good as anything. “Don’t look at your feet. You’ll just trip yourself up,” 

“how th’ fuck do you _know_ all this?” 

“What? Am I not allowed to know how to dance?” He corrects Red’s hold simple as a breeze in the wind never having to look away from Red's quickly flustering expression. Fucker deserved it. “I learned a lot of shit while growin’ up. Hey, hey you don’t have to speed up this can be a simple one step you know.” 

Red’s fingers tense where they are as the tempo speeds up as _hello, baby_ starts up casting a nervous look at him, “you sure? It ain’t uh, inauthentic or some shit?” 

Edge snorts deliberately slowing down as he knocks his head against the side of Red’s skull carefully, “Would I lie about this shit? You’re doin’ just fine for a beginner just be careful with your grip,” it lightens up again as Red takes another peek at their feet and Edge doesn’t berate him and goes as slow as he can to let the monster try and get the hang of it. “See? It’s not so bad, huh?”

He gets a nervous hum in return as Red just barely looks up again as another song starts up red starting to take over his skull. Snorting he knocks his head against Red’s skull again, “Cat finally got your tongue, huh, Red?” 

It was probably the most hilarious thing about Red. The fucker got nervous as soon as music had something to do about relationships, didn’t matter where it was— he got flustered in the mall once when he’d accidentally put on a love song. It had been the funniest shit Edge had ever seen as he tried to shut it off without destroying the radio. “ _No,”_ it’s growl his nervousness palatable even as he looks above Edge’s head, a slow smirk growing on his skull as a few more moments pass… which in Edge’s experience was never a _good_ thing. “you ever been somebody’s _baby, tomato?”_

Rolling his eyes, Edge speeds up his movements in tune with the music just to see Red’s bravado fall as quickly as he built it up. The monster really was a sap if he thought he could go toe to toe with Edge on old slang. “Sure fuckin’ was. A real slummer I was, and an egg of the ages. Didn’t give brush apes or oil cans half the chance that I did an air-tight egg.” 

Red looks at him with something that awe and _no_ his neck definitely doesn’t prick with heat. Compliments even non-verbal ones were still a difficult as fucking thing to acknowledge and it really didn’t help that it was from… probably Edge’s only other friend. 

“i don’t know what the fuck you really just said,” He snorts, no surprises there. A few movies didn’t make Red an expert or anywhere near his level when it came to knowing the many convoluted phrases of the twenties. “ _but_ I feel like i was just insulted and i can’t even defend myself. teach me more?” 

Humming he falls into an easy rhythm as Red finally gets the hand of a six-step trot the dogs panting happily next to the record player. With a soft smile in their direction he shifts them into the beginnings of an eight step trot going slow as to avoid tripping the taller monster, “Don’t take any wooden dimes when you go out on your own,” Red squints at him fingers, finally not as clammy. The fuck was that supposed to mean? Edge just grins teeth on full display, “Plenty of baby grands like yourself get bent when they go to see the canary sing.” 

“edge.” he hums, eyes closing as he tries to will the need to laugh at how dumbfounded Red sounds. This wasn’t terrible… Red wasn’t the best dance partner he’d ever had by far but it was definitely easier. “what the _fuck does any of that mean?_ where the hell did you learn all that shit?”

Though he can’t stop the twist to his expression as he thinks on how to answer the second question. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing in his life, it was just… it was a nostalgia that he didn’t necessarily want to focus on with all that he’d have to deal with in the coming days. “I used to work in a cabaret club as a performer. The first part means to not do anything stupid. Baby grands are guys like you—” He can’t stop the huff of amusement at how Red puffs up without even knowing what he meant by it… but that was _Red_ so, “they’re heavily or bulkily built. Getting bent is to get drunk and canary is a woman that sings.” 

“huh,” He looks up to watch the thoughtful expression take over Red’s skull and unusually intense set to his brows. “guess you really do know a lot of shit, what exactly did you do?” 

It’s the abrupt cough that simultaneously keeps him from answering and causes him to scramble like a pissed off car as he whirls around to face the door, Red’s typical snarl filling the room before it sputters out. The heat returns full force as Razz awkwardly scratches at the back of his neck.

God. what the fuck had he just walked into? Magic pooling in his skull Razz shuffles where he is in the doorway. _Was this normal for humans?_ Mari never talked about… about _dancing. Did he have to know how to dance now?_ Was that how camaraderie was developed in this world! He glances at the duo, mouth opening only to clamp shut as his brows tug down in concentration. What dances did Razz even know that might be recognizable to a human? Surely he couldn’t propose a dance to the death? That didn’t seem… correct. 

The human was rapidly palling… maybe this was a, uh, a way to _woo—_ oh by the throne what had he walked _into!_ Face blooming with color he awkwardly clears his throat, “HAVE I INTERRUPTED SOME… INTRICATE RITUAL OF SOME KIND?” Mari had… said to clarify things before jumping to conclusions. 

Edge’s hands go up to his face as he lets out a scream? It was rather soft for a scream of outrage. Perhaps he needed tips? Razz was an excellent teacher when it came to volume! Why with a single order he’d have the guard running like the hounds were after them! “Why are you here? Why did you just walk in?” 

Razz wonders if he’d somehow caused a… what had the TV program called it? A breakdown of sorts. He looks over to the only other monster in the room— apparently Red had been integrated with a human far longer than Slim or himself, which Razz found confounding. The brute had been _anything_ but pleasant company when they’d all been held in the same facility upon first arrival— with confusion. The brute was not his favorite company by far but Razz would anything and everything to further his integration into this new… world. 

Red just shrugs— and by the throne! He was! “BRUTE!” he sputters it out in his own confusion of the whole situation as he sends an aghast look at the human. Did the man not know! Edge might not… he was an interesting human but Red didn’t seem to be adept or even _decent_ when it came to social understanding. Truly it seemed as if Razz _could_ offer his own help in return for his culinary lessons. “PUT ON SOME CLOTHES THIS INSTANT! A JACKET IS NOT _CLOTHING._ HAVE YOU NO SHAME! NO MORALS!” 

He looks over to Edge desperately hoping _desperately_ that he wouldn’t have to explain this. “uhh, runt,” He grinds his teeth glowering at the _beast._ How could he so casually go about so indecently whilst in a home that wasn’t even his? Did Red really have no _decorum?_ “you might wanna _beat it_ ,” 

Socket twitching he points at the beast, “CLOTHES! I WAS RIGHTFULLY INVITED OVER! YOU SHAN’T DESECRATE THE HUMAN’S ATTEMPT AT HOSTING WITH YOUR… WITH YOUR CANOODLING AND INDECENT EXPOSURE OF BONE!” 

The brute was _laughing!_ Magic diffusing through his bones Razz saunters inside— he would apologize _after_ the brute stopped desecrating Edge’s home with his indecency!— only pausing in his search for _something_ to lob at the monster when Edge very desperately clears his throat, his own face as red as a brick— no doubt he now understood why Razz was so scandalized! Hopefully now Red wouldn’t get away with such behavior. “What… what exactly are you here for?”

With a furrowed brow he pulls up the texts between himself and Edge hardly even a day prior. It had been late yes but Razz couldn’t quite wait for a, uh, more _acceptable_ time to ask as he’d gotten back from a rather late shift and was… not _eager_ — because that would far too forward to express in his interactions with a human besides Mari— but keen on learning more recipes to expand his repertoire of cuisines. “YOU SAID I COULD COME OVER?”

Watching the ways Edge’s face scrunch up he can’t help but wonder if the human struggled with memories… he seemed quite tired at dinner last week and he seemed _equally_ as tired now. “PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR A BETTER TIME?”

Edge pinches the bridge of his nose waving of the statement as he sounds so _bereaved,_ “I really am a damn dumbbell,” 

He squints, “YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE A… DUMBBELL?” he hears Red howl from somewhere but Razz would give him a proper talking to later. The brute was so _rude!_ “YOU ARE, UH, QUITE… FLESHY?”

Edge waves another hand at him, “No, no it’s… you know what never mind. Yeah, sorry about that I… forgot,” Razz winces alongside him. That was… a rather rough sounding apology. Glancing around the place his expression scrunches up, “we’ve uh, been a bit. Busy.”

He nods not really paying attention as his sight catches on the most _abysmal_ sketch page he’s ever seen in his life. It was messy! There were hardly any notes! How did the human expect to create something spectacular from a bare bones design! “DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?” he motions over the various ticks of measurements and scribbled out suits, “I UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SHOWCASING OF OUR CULINARY TALENTS, HOWEVER, I CAN’T HELP BUT NOTICE YOUR… ABYSMAL SKETCHES,” 

It perhaps wasn’t the most _gentlemanly_ way to put it but it was terrible. Razz would be honest with the human because he prided himself in that honesty and that was one of the _worst_ things Razz had seen in all of his time on the surface. Somewhere still he hears Red’s wheezy, _he called it fucking ugly boss an’ I’m the brute?_ And swiftly pushes down the urge to lob a bone at the ruffian’s head to get him to shut up. No manners! At all! 

“No, no it’s perfectly fine!” He levels the human with an unamused look. Razz was _offering_ his help, why couldn’t the human just accept it? “Really, i said cooking lessons so cooking lessons it’ll be I’ll,” he waves a tired hand at the pile, “Deal with that later.” 

He sides steps to block off the entrance of Edge’s kitchen— it was _rude._ Razz understood this but couldn’t in good conscious let whatever _that_ was supposed to be, be made. It was _tragic_ — “I INSIST. CONSIDER THIS A… A WAY TO RETURN THE FAVOR OF TEACHING ME?” 

Edge raises a brow and Razz feels sweat on his spine at the flat look. “Razz,” There’s another snort from Red and he really, really wants the brute to just _once_ cooperate instead of just laughing. “You do understand that you don’t have to treat this as a favor right? I offered just to offer,”

“OF COURSE!” why couldn’t he just take the _help_ ! “I STILL INSIST THAT WE WORK ON… _THAT._ I AM AN EXPERT WHEN IT COMES TO SUCH MATTERS,” literally, even when he was captain of the guard Razz had been in charge of procuring many things and established many talents. 

“boss,” oh great. The brute was talking. Razz looks at him and thank the throne he _had clothes on._ “i don’t want the runt puttin’ his spindly ass fingers near me— might scratch up this beautiful mug,” 

Edge snorts. “Yeah I don’t think you’ve got to worry about that grand, I can finish up the measurements and… what exactly can you do to… help?”

“WHAT… MATERIAL DO YOU NEED? TYPE OF SUIT? I CAN HELP TAKE CARE OF THAT… POSSIBLY PUT IN A RUSH ORDER,” Edge looks at his with furrowed brows, mouth going slack.

“th’ fuck do ya want?” Red’s popped up from whatever crevice he was hiding in to loom over Edge’s shoulder like the damn dobermans. Razz sends him a flat look not moving an inch from where he’s blocking the kitchen. “we ain’t gettin’ swindled into owing you nothin’.”

“ _Red,”_

“what?”

Edge huffs nudging the ruffian out of his space as Razz sneers. Always acting like a bully of a dog, he understood that he came from a rough world but so had he and Slim. he didn’t have to be such an overgrown animal. “Stop being so uppity, I already said I would finish the measurements and Razz,” He straightens up again plastering an innocent look over the once smear, “I take it that you’re not asking for anything too expensive as payment?” 

Red gives a poor imitation of a snarl as Edge yanks him back over to be measured. “NO. I AM OFFERING MY… HELP JUST LIKE YOU DID. MY WORK ALLOWS A FEW ORDERS PER THE YEAR FOR MY OWN PERSONAL USE.” and not to mention now he understood why Red had been so indecent… it was still rude though. Razz was coming over! “YOUR MEASUREMENTS WON’T BE AS ACCURATE LIKE THAT BUT I WOULD PREFER NOT HAVING TO SEE HIS BARE BONES AND I AM CERTAIN THAT RED SHARES MUCH THE SAME SENTIMENT.”

“ya fuckin’ think?” He rolls his eyes watching as the human conks his knuckles against Red’s skull to stop snarling. He really was like a territorial dog— it’d be amusing if Razz wasn’t actually trying to help. “ow! stop fuckin’ hittin’ me i’m allowed to snarl if i want to! and you! Stop lookin’ so smug,” 

“I’m not even hitting you, you big baby,” Razz clears his throat again. “Right yeah,” Well. at least it wasn’t just Razz who was turning red about this whole interaction today. Humans were so… weird. “It needs to be wool.”

He raises a brow, “WOOL?” It wasn’t a rare or odd material by any means but it did make him _think._

“Yes,” it’s clipped and he sends another curious look the other monster's way. He doubts that Red will offer anything up but this was work and Razz needed something he could work with. “Navy in color if you can. Tuxedo fit. Tropical wool.”

“boss why th’ fuck does it have to be _navy?”_ Edge just rolls his eyes as if he’s dealt with this before and after seeing them interact he probably has. “why can’t it be black. That’s classy ain’t it?”

Edge sighs finishing up the waist and inseam measurements swatting at the monster to keep him from squirming. It was… rather efficient for such terrible scribbles even Razz could admit that. “Black is for mourning. You’re not going to a funeral that’s why you can’t wear _black.”_

Red grumbles again, “can i sit now?”

“Yes, yes go and sit down while the adults talk,” The brute doesn’t even bristle just keeps staring down Razz as if he was somehow a _threat_. “Is that doable?”

“OF COURSE. MIGHT I ASK WHY SUCH A SUIT IS BEING REQUESTED? MY WORK SPECIALIZES IN THEMED CLOTHING SO, IF IT IS PERTINENT THAT IT IS… SIMILAR TO A CERTAIN THEME OR YEAR I CAN ACCOMMODATE THAT FOR YOU,” 

“‘s the twenties, runt,” He looks at the ruffian again more than a little amused that the larger monster just brushes off the way the Edge gives a tired, _red stop._ “oh c’mon stop bein’ such a hard-ass. use that fuckin’ head of yours— you don’t always have to do shit alone.”

“WHAT EXACTLY DOES HE NOT HAVE TO DO ALONE?” His eye lights gleam as he and Red pin the human with similar looks. Amused as he freezes, sending a betrayed look Red’s way that the other monster just grins at teeth as sharp as a sharks.

“edge here—”

“Red! _Don’t you dare,”_

“COME NOW, EDGE,” He says saccharine sweet as he’s just barely able to loom over the human with his boots, a charming twist to his smile as they practically corner the human— they were monsters after all. Sometimes kindness had to be forced upon someone so that they would accept help, and Mari was so _fond_ of the human. Slim as well, it would be a real shame for the human to work himself to _dust_ — “WE’RE ALL… COMPEERS HERE.”

It’s the jerk of an arm that has him back away fluid as a dewdrop off a flower as Edge heaves teeth barred at him. He blinks slowly, smile falling in confusion casting another look at Red's way only for his confusion to grow. “shit boss, thought you’d…” he trails on claws twitching out toward him only to offer up his seat instead hunching in to make himself small… and isn’t that an odd thing?

Red had loomed over him. The first time they met. The second time. And just earlier… Razz had assumed he’d often done the same here— a… playful gesture. Because now that’s all it was meant to be, there was no _intent._ No will to cause any harm or mayhem. No reason for the human to be so… irritated. Or at least, Razz had assumed so— he pinches his expression, arms settling into a rest at his back as he tries to imitate the other monster.

“I… APOLOGIZE FOR,” He takes another step back when he notices that he’s looming again angling himself away from the duo. “I APOLOGIZE FOR OVERSTEPPING IN BOUNDARIES… I HAD ASSUMED THIS WAS A… PEACEFUL INTERACTION. I WILL MAKE A NOTE TO NEVER DO SO AGAIN,” After all, Razz had said he would try here. He still disliked many— many, many, _many_ — individuals but Edge was not on that list. “I WOULD HOWEVER LIKE TO STILL OFFER MY ASSISTANCE IF I MAY. FOR THE SUIT AND OTHER SUBSEQUENT REQUESTS TO MAKE UP FOR THE SLIGHT,”

“‘S fine,” He watches silent as Edge rights himself, an uneasy waver to his hands as he stuffs them in his pockets. Casts a glance Red’s way as the other monster continues hunching no touching, no reaching, ‘’m fine. Just an accident. Let's move on.”

It brokers no argument. “OF COURSE. IF YOU WOULDN’T MIND EXPLAINING THE CONUNDRUM YOU’RE FACING?” 

Edge takes a stiff breath looking him in the eye as Razz tries to make himself as non-threatening as he can. How would he convince the human to give him lessons if the man believed he couldn’t trust Razz? “My bar… I would not be opposed to you helping me rearrange things. I’ll pay you of course, but it might need more hands than just Red and I can provide.”

He hums tapping his claws behind his back. “SLIM AND I ARE INVITED TO SEE YOUR BAR?” he presses, they had permission before of course but it never helped to make sure. 

“Yes, I already said you could—”

“THEN. WHEN WOULD YOU REQUIRE THE HELP?” Red sends him a nasty look for interrupting but Razz pays him no mind already awhile with how they’d have to _dress_ so that they didn’t look out of place. Morning wear? Since it would logically be at a time no one was in the building and it'd have to be flexible if they were to help move things magic or not. “AND NO NEED FOR THE COMPENSATION WE ARE… NEIGHBORS.” 

Edge just looks at him with an incredulous twitch to his face, “ _No,_ I am paying you. That’s work. You’re taking the money— and before you interrupt me again, if you don’t accept the payment I rescind my invitation,” 

Razz narrows his sockets a down turn to his mouth. Of course Edge would make this difficult— why had he ever thought the human would let things be easy. “... AS YOU WISH. THE TIME, EDGE?”

“Monday. Anytime in the morning ‘s the only day I can afford to keep it closed.” He nods walking toward the table to grab the measurements Edge had finished with clicking his teeth together lightly. He’d have to make some adjustments by eye due to the bulk of some of Red’s clothing. 

“IF…” He sneaks a glance at the brute… Red was supposed to be a bouncer but… “IF YOU REQUIRE ANY… _PHYSICAL_ HELP I CAN MAKE TIME TO PROVIDE ASSISTANCE IF YOU SO NEED IT.”

As expected the ruffians bristles like a mongrel. “you sayin’ I ain’t good enough runt? Like you’re a big shot i could punt you into the fuckin’ sun if i needed to,” 

He rolls his eyes stuffing the measurements into his pocket. Red was such a… uncivilized monster. It really was a mystery how he hadn’t brought the house down yet. “YOUR WORDS NOT MINE, BRUTE. SLIM AND I WILL SEE YOU MONDAY. I WILL PREPARE YOUR SUIT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE,” the next words come out stilted and slow, still unused to _using_ them, “... _THANK YOU…_ FOR TRUSTING IN MY ABILITY TO HELP WITH SUCH MATTERS. HAVE A GOOD DAY AND I WILL ALSO.” 

With as slow of a gait as he can force Razz exits his soul battering the inside of his rib cage. Humans were so… _difficult!_ Why would they refuse help! Razz could because he clearly had his life together, but Edge! Yes, the man could possibly give him a good fight, a wonderful passing of words, could make a mean _cake._ But he could accept help! He didn’t have to be so—fuck was this what he was like?

With a shake of his head Razz heads to the local college. Slim was supposed to be getting out of class soon and he’d… made plans with his younger brother to try some new human delicacies. What better way to trap his brother into getting new clothes? They had to make good impressions! What was the point of these new chances if they squandered them due to how people perceived them based off of their clothing— or rather, lack of _fitting_ clothing. Slim… needed more than his jacket and one outfit combination. And Razz, despite knowing his fashion sense is impeccable, had been advised to wear more than just military uniforms— and refused to give them more opportunities? 

Razz wouldn’t allow it to happen! They would look _magnificent!_ The humans would revel at their presence! 

“hey, uh, bro?” his head flips up from where he was looking at the ground, his pacing coming to a standstill. When had he made it to the gates of the college? “there somethin’ wrong? You’ve been glaring at the ground for like… five minutes?” 

He blinks, squinting up at Slim before taking a look over his appearance stopping when his little brother starts to squirm his fingers gripping at his back strap nervously— no new band-aids. That was good. He was finding other ways to deal with his nerves— “WHY ARE YOU SHAKING LIKE A DOG IN THE WIND?” He shakes his head grabbing at Slim’s sleeve to move them along, glowering at all the humans that look at them oddly. What right did they have to judge him? “HURRY ALONG! WE HAVE A LONG DAY AT THE… ‘FOOD COURT’ YOU SPOKE OF,” 

“bro,” Slim’s laughing his strides catching up with him quickly as he taps at Razz’s hand to be let go, which is allowed quickly. With a soft huff Razz looks up at his younger brother, a questioning look on his skull, “what’s with the hurry? Did your lesson go up in flames or somethin’?”  
  


“OF COURSE NOT!” What nonsense! Had they really had a cooking lesson today Razz would have returned home with a new delicacy for Slim to try— he’d have even requested the start with something sweet. His little brother needed _brain food_ a good mix of sugar and healthy ingredients to keep his studies going!— really where did Slim get such nonsense into his head? “TODAY WENT… WONDERFULLY. EDGE HAS INVITED US TO HELP AT HIS BAR ON MONDAY, I WAS SIMPLY WONDERING THE BEST THING TO WEAR TO SUCH A VENTURE.”

His little brother perks up. “we can really go? He wasn’t just pullin’ a bone? Do you think he’ll let me work there!”

His expressions softens as they make their way to the mall. Slim really was such an excitable monster. So excited about this world and all it had to offer Razz just wished he would be more _careful._ He couldn’t be around all the time any more nor did he have a high standing like in their old world— Slim couldn’t go about wherever he liked to anymore without fear that someone might attempt to harm him. “HE SAID THAT HE WANTED YOU TO SEE WHAT A TYPICAL NIGHT LOOKS LIKE FIRST. I BELIEVE THIS INVITATION IS ONE OUTSIDE OF WORKING HOURS—” it definitely was. But… how else would he convince Slim to dress up? Really, he could look so put together if he put in the effort! The humans would flock to him and… well, Razz would have to weed out the imbeciles, but it was besides the point! “HE MENTIONED NEEDING HELP… SO PERHAPS YOU CAN PROVE TO HIM THAT YOU COULD BE A VALUABLE ASSET?” 

“you really think so?” He nods not having to look back to see the uncertain expression on his brother’s skull. Razz believed in him. Even when Slim himself didn’t and Razz would make sure he succeed no matter what! What kind of big brother was he if he didn’t help Slim achieve his goals? Even if those goals no longer involved harm of any kind or bribery? Razz could still help him! “what if… what if i mess up? i break something, or, or i piss him off or—”

“SLIM,” His brother quiets fingers reaching for the sleeve of Razz’s coat as he’d done in the privacy of their home— and wasn’t that novel? That he could do it _outside?_ In the _public?_ And it wouldn’t be seen as a weakness? Razz could be a big brother outside now, he didn’t have to put up an act of being nonchalant and an aloof uncaring persona?— now able to do so freely whenever he needed to feel less like a fish out of water. “YOU ARE GOING TO DO PERFECT. EDGE… SEEMS LIKE HE UNDERSTANDS YOUR NERVES… BETTER THAN I DO. I DON’T THINK HE WOULD GET UPSET WITH YOU OVER AN ACCIDENT.”

And if he did? Well, Razz could always take care of it himself to let the human know that sometimes _accidents_ happened. An eye for an eye after all. Though Razz wanted to believe that Edge wouldn’t get upset over something as minor as an accident.

There’s a gentle squeeze at his wrist that makes him look back. One of Slim’s shaky little smiles that Razz can now return in earnest even if it’s just as awkward. “thanks bro… i uh, i don’t know how i’d be without your support,”

“AMAZING,” he says simply, _factually,_ even as he can feel Slim’s magic color his bones in embarrassment. Really? They’d have to work on Slim’s confidence? Still couldn’t even take a compliment from him or Mari, how would he deal with the outpouring compliments from the humans when he was dressed spiffy and smiling one of those _real, bright_ smiles of his? No, it wouldn’t do! Razz would help with his confidence somehow, Slim deserved to be confident in himself as Razz was! “YOU ARE NOT AMAZING BECAUSE OF ME, BROTHER. YOU ARE AMAZING BECAUSE YOU ARE _YOU,”_

“thanks bro,” it’s not as shaky but it sounds choked. With a soft sigh Razz digs out the phone one of the _various_ versions of Alphys had given him, opening up the storage ability he digs out one of those fancy paper umbrellas he’d bought. It didn’t really fit _him_ but they could use right now for Slim to hide under. 

“THERE YOU GO. NO ONE CAN SEE YOU UNDER IT, IT HAS A HANGING VEIL,” 

There’s another gentle squeeze at his wrist before Slim takes the umbrella for him easing into step with him. Nodding in approval Razz leads them to the ‘food court’... a sweet treat would cheer up his brother before they started the long task of gathering clothes. The gold from their old world had given them both a generous spending amount each month. Razz was going to make sure they looked _dapper_ as hell. 

* * *

“boss,” Edge zooms across the bar moving off all the table clothes they _do_ have out at the various tables in the place. “boss,” there’s not so much as a hum in acknowledgement that he’s heard Red. With a sigh he sends a plip of blue magic the humie’s way. He ignores the glare twisted on Edge’s face, “ _sit.”_

“Let me go,” He settles the human in one of the booths ignoring those rather colorful curses that spill as soon as Red turns around to start moving things. “Red! Let me go you asshole!” 

“Yer going to pass out,” he _would_ . Red’s seen it before— Edge had issues about overworking himself. Hell Red is pretty sure he didn’t sleep at all _last week._ They had a couple more days before the whole fiasco goes down and he was going to make sure his human takes some kind of break before then. Even if he had to force the bastard. “sit tight i remember which ones ya wanted so I’ll take care of it— you just sit until the jester’s get here alright?”

No doubt the bastard was sulking behind him and trying to break the blue magic around him. “I don’t enjoy being held captive!” Snorting Red gathers up the remaining table covers before depositing them in the back and grabbing the one’s boss had dug out of his storage early this morning. “Red I swear! I will kick your ass!” 

“yeah, yeah, boss I hear ya,” The fucker would probably pass out soon. He ain’t slept and Red and the runt’s would finish up the rest he’d deal with the _earful_ later. Hell, Edge still had to cook in a couple days and Red knew he was going to be bitchy. “go ahead an’ get comfy i already got your gaudy ass tablecloths and the old ass utensils!” that he had for _some_ reason. 

Hell Edge had made him get the _record player!_ The man didn’t know how to half-ass things— it was both admirable and frustrating— and Red wasn’t keen on a negative end result _again._ So. Red took it into his own hands this time, Edge was going to be stuck in that booth until he fell asleep or calmed the hell down to actually take the help he agreed to. 

Making another pass by the booth he can’t help but chuckle at how the human’s ended up on his side expression flat as he tries to wiggle out, “lookin’ like a real plank boss. Why don’t you embrace the hickory _?”_

“I seriously hate you right now. Friends don’t trap friends in a booth,” 

Well if there was one other positive thing about Edge literally being stuck in a booth it’s the inability to see the red spread across Red’s skull— it wasn’t his fault that Red _is_ a soft monster underneath it. All. Friendships weren’t all that common in his underground and somehow the prickly bastard weaseled his way in. “sure ya do boss. friends make sure their friends get some rest after running himself ragged.”

He looks over when there’s no comeback or even a hiss. Edge is still scowling but he isn’t wiggling now. Pausing Red crouches to look at him, “you going to cooperate?” 

“‘S not like I got anything else to do.” It’s not even full of Edge’s usual snark. His humie really is _tired_ if his spunk is gone. 

Nodding to himself Red stands up moving the tables the way Edge had mentioned earlier in his rambling to himself. “great! point out where the hell you want the lights, those weird ass drapes and posters and whatever.” 

“Posters can go wherever. ‘S just decoration to look like the era. ‘S Clara Bow, Rudolph Valentino, Jean Malin, Gladys Bentley, et cetera et cetera. Makes the place seem more _timey,”_

He rights Edge so he can see the place better, and isn’t you know, just a fucking worm on the floor. “uhh, i don’t… you gotta point out who is who for me. I ain’t as knowledgeable about these people as you boss,” there’s a soft grumble as Edge no doubt berates his less than stellar knowledge of the times Red never heard of _nor_ experienced. 

“Clara Bow and Rudolph are on the left side of the bar. Put ‘em wherever Gladys and Jean should be near the old stage because they were considered performers,” Well… that was easy enough to do. 

It’s as he’s tacking the last of the posters that there’s a brief knock at the door and the sound of bickering before Edge’s voice is ringing out tired and defeated as he’s ever sounded— and yeah Red feels a little bad now but Edge was sitting in the booth! He’s off his feet! He’s kind of letting people help him!— “‘s fuckin’ open! Just don’t trip on the chairs!”

“chairs?” ah that was the kid. Slim sticks his head in… and that was a hat. Red squints and then looks at boss with a _what the fuck?_ “oh yeah that’s uh, that’s… why do you have so many chairs? Is it a chaise party?” and that’s Edge groaning in his booth. “oh hi! Uhh, why are you… why is he?” he looks at Red.

“needed a break. wouldn’t fuckin’ take it,” Slim nods carefully stepping in with the runt following after him. “don’t mind ‘im he’s grumpy ain’t ya boss?” 

“Damn, you sure did get all dolled up for this. You sure you ain’t tryin’ to find a baby to sugar?” Red about chokes on his laughter at how _quickly_ Edge clams up after he realizes what exactly he said and very rapidly just drops his head against the table with a muffled yell.

“WERE WE SUPPOSED TO BRING SUGAR?” Red wheezes leaning against Edge’s table as Razz finally joins in, looking just as confused as his brother. “AS FOR BEING ‘DOLLED UP’ WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? MY FASHION SENSE IS IMPECCABLE— HOW ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO SHOWCASE THAT I WAS THE PERFECT CHOICE FOR YOUR SUIT?”

“i think… i think it might be best to… to move on,” it’s still wheezy as Red watches Edge just repeatedly knock his head against the cushion on the table carefully. “boss is takin’ a little break so we’re doin’ all the heavy work today. pay is on the counter.”

Razz just raises a brow. “I ASSUME EVERYTHING IS TO BE.. TWENTIES THEMED?” 

“Mmhm,” Red moves another table into place as Edge works up the courage to answer, “we’re just moving tables and chairs right now. I’ll get the old stagestuff and records later tonight. So if you could just… help with the furniture we’ve got that uh, that’d be fantastic.”

“leave it to us! we’ve helped mari move plenty of times!”

Well. At least the kid was eager. That would make this whole thing a lot easier. It was time for Red to work them down to the bone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edge: *Insults Red using old time Slang*
> 
> Red: that was cool do it again


	7. Do I Look LIke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. This is all just comedy so please don't take it seriously, it is probably the least serious chapter by far

There are tremors along his hands as Edge finishes setting out food along the table. Squeezing until crescents form in his palms he drags a breath through his lungs. This was for money. A fuck-ton of money. Edge wasn’t even showing his face. This was fine. It would be  _ fine. _

Red grabs the plate from his hands a hushed tone to his words that Edge vaguely recognizes as concern. What did he have to worry about? Edge is fine. He’s  _ perfect.  _ Absolutely great.

“i think ya should sit down, boss,” Red doesn’t grab him. Knows better to do it without some kind of permission or initiation from Edge’s part. He tries again when the human doesn’t seem to respond, the clink of the covered plate not even getting a twitch. “edge.”

“edge i think ya should sit down,” 

Another exhale, slower, more controlled as Edge finally forces himself to nod. Fuck. He was going to see  _ them _ . Not in person. Never in person if Edge had his way. There were too many memories that he didn’t want to revisit: the good, the bad, the neutral, the  _ wonderful.  _ All of it too much. 

Edge had left all of that. There wasn’t a reason to reminisce.

“I’m okay,” It sounds empty to his own ear. “I’m fine.”

“i know, but ya should still sit down. you’ve done a lot… i’ll finish up. can’t have ya falling dead now can i? you’re the only thing keep in’ me from bein’ a chew toy for the mutts.”

Edge huffs. “You know as well as I do that they wouldn’t eat you. They have manners unlike a certain someone.”

Red sends a mocking wave his way, steps ambling along as he goes about setting dishes down. It’s a large spread. One that Edge would debate on a group of humans being unable to finish. 

These were monsters he was hosting though. One’s with endless voids they called stomachs. It’s why he’d be in the back kitchen; to hide and to keep the food coming.

“where was i supposed to put the ham again?” Edge gawks when he looks up and sees the bastard sneaking food. Again!

“Red!” 

The monster just chuckles moving out of the way for the snatch directed toward his wrist. Where a few deviled eggs lie waiting for the fox to finish them. 

Sometime before this a record had been put on. Upbeat and smooth without the typical uproar of some of the other records.  _ Summer Delights _ , the first of a handful of music they’d debated on.

Red’s movements are clumsy as he stuffs his face with the food, grin as mischievous as a tom’s when there’s a mouse in its path. Still, somehow he keeps anything from getting on his suit.

“sorry, boss had to sneak some from the  _ dozen.” _ -Edge gives him a look that could turn the dead. Red’s grin gets wider, the tip of his teeth seeming to gleam- “it was a pretty  _ egg _ -stravagent setup.”

With a huff through his nose like a bull in the ring Edge makes a grab for the monster’s wrist when he goes for another dive. Only to find himself pulled into a minute it improved trot.

Edge glares even as his feet keep him in tune. Red gives him an equally smug look.

“You planned that.” He accuses. 

“maybe i did. maybe i didn’t.” It’s practically a laugh as Red whorls them around the bit of open space left.

Rolling his eyes Edge takes over. He was a better leader than a follower; always had been. And Red was not going to knock into anything.

The bastard had picked up that Edge, in some way, for some convoluted reason loved to dance. Looked through one of the old photo albums Edge had finally given him permission to flip through, and it started up. Often out of nowhere like right now.

“I seriously hate you right now. I’m burning with the intensity of a thousand suns with the desire to clock you for this.” 

Red gives a salacious grin prompting Edge to push his head away in good fun. “oh c’mon tomato ain’t no need t’ turn me down so quick.”

Despite himself Edge snorts. Red was an idiot. A big, stupid, well-meaning idiot with the worst jokes Edge had to put up with  _ daily. _

“Ain’t that kinda man you brute,” He even feigns a dramatic wave of a hand against his head when Red twirls them an ugly choked laugh forming when his roommate stumbles.

“‘S whatcha get for trying to show off.” Edge adds, when the monster recovers his balance.

Red swats at him no real power behind it. “yeah, yeah ‘m a clown on skates. gotta admit though ‘m about as attractive as they get ya asshole.”

“Keep stroking your ego, ‘cause I definitely won’t.” 

Rolling his eyes Red straightens out the tablecloth out of habit. He’s had to do it way too many damn times as they set everything out. It was practically reflex now.

“ya doin’ okay? need me t’ i don’t know, fuck somebody up for ya?”

Edge looks at his hands. The tremors were still there— probably would be the whole night— but less obstructing. A kind of tremor that he could handle without dropping something. 

“I look fine don’t I? Or are you trying to say something?”

Red beams his smile as threatening as a bear while still being as welcoming as a particularly rough and tumble as a puppy. A proper pit bull. Caring as anything in his own way while still being willing to bite when the situation called for it.

“fuckin’ perfect, boss.”

“That’s what I thought.” 

Wiping his hands on his apron Edge grabs the last few dishes from the back. Motioning for Red to back off, which he gets a grumble for, Edge sets them in place. Including the ham that his roommate had joked about.

“still can’t believe ya got me doin’ this shit, boss.” Edge barely glances his way as he goes about adjusting one of the chairs. It was too late to replace it so… it’d just have to be Black’s. “‘m

_ muscle.  _ how the hell am i supposed to host a bunch of stiffs an’ creeps, huh?”

“With your winning personality.” He replies drily. “You’ll be fine. All you’ll be doing is serving and pouring. If they don’t need you, stay in your corner.”

“that’s so fuckin’  _ boring!” _

“It’s a lot of money, Red.” -Said monster chuffs at him like an angry animal. Without looking up from where he’s moving the chair to the tag with  _ Black  _ on it, Edge sends him a bird.- “Money we need. We agreed to not lie about shit after the whole…”

He gestures vaguely to the chair in his hold. Disgust palpable in the sneer that takes over Edge’s expression. 

Red chuckles. “don’t worry boss i’ll keep the bone-heads in check. won’t let ‘em trash the place.”

“Oh I know.” He backs away to look over the setup with a pleased nod. Just a bit of time left before Edge could duck away into the kitchen and stay there. “They’d lose more than just a place to sit down if they did some stupid shit.”

“with the ‘dusters!”

Edge very pointedly ignores how excited the monster gets. Just the slightest mention of violence and it got Red going quick enough to put a Suzuki to shame.

“That’s your job not mine.” 

“live a little jefe,”

“ _ Red.” _

“right, yeah, i’ll behave.”

Nodding in approval Edge rubs at his eyes to get the last of the weariness out. They’d  _ both _ been in the kitchen making food since ass-o’clock in the morning. A few power naps built up between them both when they just couldn’t take it. They were almost done. The meeting or whatever the fuck it really was would end and Edge and Red would be heading home.

Sleep out all of the stress they’ve accumulated in one great big hibernation. 

Heading to check on the types of alcohol on hand for the night— which was honestly kind of foolish for Black to request— Edge doesn’t even twitch when the boom of Black’s voice rings around the room.

“MY, MY, MY THIS PLACE CERTAINLY KNOWS HOW TO BE PREPOSSESSING NO MATTER THE SCENE DOESN’T IT, DOLL?” 

“No flirting. It’s against policy.” Edge taps the sign next to the bar, the words large and flat:  _ customers will be forcibly removed if staff or patrons feel uncomfortable.  _ “Just because I’m hosting and you’re paying me doesn’t change that.”

Cash moves to sit at the bar, a cigarette resting between his fingers. A lazy hum of acknowledgement as Black rolls his eyes with a mutter (“IT WAS A COMPLIMENT! I AM NOT HERE TO FLIRT WITH YOU!”) _. _ He rakes his gaze over Edge’s apron.

“ya sure you don’t wanna join for the party could get pretty  _ heated _ if ya did,” He chuckles as he starts to light his stick of choice. 

Edge very calmly grabs his wrist and snubs it against a tray, a gift from a fire monster a few weeks back, ignoring the whine of protest. And here I thought you manners would improve with your dress. How disappointing.”

Cash grins letting the cigarette fall to smooth out his lapels. Edge scrutinizes it, taking more than his fair share of satisfaction when the monster struggles not to squirm under the heavy look. It’s a decent suit all things considered.

A neutral grey in color, tweed in material, it was actually pressed with no wrinkles in sight. It was a cheap suit. One with a few off measurements and pants that were too tight at the ankles, but it would work.

Edge nods. “Congrats. You’ve passed the bare-minimum styling test.”

“no need to be so testy darlin’, we did whatcha asked of us. least you could do is give us a  _ bone.” _

“MUST YOU REALLY?” Black deadpans puffing up like a peacock when Edge’s gaze shifts to him. Seemingly prepared for the judgement. Somewhere nearby Red lets out a sound that’s a horrendous mix of a growl and a huff. “I SEE I’VE CAUGHT YOUR GAZE. I CAN CLEAN UP QUITE WELL DON’T I? ENOUGH TO EVEN FORGIVE MY PAST TRANSGRESSIONS, EVEN!”

Edge gives him a look an old woman might give mold in her kitchen. “I think you owe me an expensive rock for me to  _ ever _ try and forgive your propositioning. One without expectations. Just a  _ very _ large, expensive thing to show off.” 

Red lets out a snort as Black gawks looking between him and the two other monsters snickering. He turns his head, tilted high like a snooty bird.

“I think Red is better dressed than the both of you.” He adds on, watching as the two newest skeletons flush a shout of outrage from Black (“THAT BEAST? BETTER DRESSED THAN ME? HARDLY!”) and a nonplussed shrug of a shoulder from Cash (“can’t win ‘em all darlin’.”). 

“i knew i was your favorite, boss,” -Edge sends him a raised brow an amused quirk to his mouth as Red follows along.- “a’right bone-heads ya goin’ to give us a rundown of the night or ya makin’ us go in blind like a virgin, huh?”

Edge has to fake a cough into his hand to hide the laugh. In front of him Cash looks googly-eyed, his brother doing no better. Yeah, Red’s vocabulary could still use some work.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO KEEP THAT STATEMENT, EDGE?” It’s almost desperate in it’s tone as Black turns to him, a hand waved in disgust toward Red’s person, who just smirks. “WE AT LEAST HAVE KEPT OUR… DICTATION CLEAN.”

“speak for yourself,” Cash mutters motioning for a drink from the back wall, a look of distaste forming when Edge makes him pay. “i ain’t said nothin’ like that yet, but i don’t stay clean-toothed like you.”

“CASH,” He gets a noncommittal hum in response. “YOU’RE NOT HELPING.”

“sorry,” 

“NO YOU’RE NOT!”

Cash grins. “yeah, ‘m not.” 

Black lets out a contained scream in outrage as he makes a strangling gesture in his brother’s direction. All he gets in return is a tongue stuck out at him.

Edge clears his throat picking up the now empty glass to clean it.

“Back on to the topic at hand. Are you going to leave us in the dark about the very thing you’re using  _ my _ place of business or your no doubt, very shady shit? Or, are you going to be a terrible business partner.” 

Black gives a genial smile. It does absolutely nothing as a reassurance.

“OF COURSE,” -He settles at the chair Edge directs him to, a disgruntled expression forming when it squeaks.- “I AM NOT SO CRUEL A MONSTER—“

“uh, yeah you are,” Cash interrupts. “I’ve literally seen you bash in someone’s skull.”

Black pays him no attention, continuing on like he heard nothing. “—TO LET MY PARTNERS GO IN BLIND. AS YOU ARE WELL ‘ACQUAINTED’ WITH WHO WE’RE MEETING TONIGHT I’M SURE YOU HAVE SOME IDEA. YOU’RE RATHER INTELLIGENT.” 

Not enough to avoid getting involved with boss monsters but Black digressed.

Edge crosses his arms staring him down even as Black’s smile stretches wider. “You want to go about in their territory without getting shot.”

“HOW ASTUTE OF YOU. AS I SAID BEFORE YOU’RE QUITE INTELLIGENT.”

“Don’t compliment me.”

“or you’ll be havin’ to deal with me.” Red warns, moving closer to loom over the shorter monster. 

“OH HOW  _ TERRIFYING _ I’M PRACTICALLY SHAKING IN MY BOOTS.” Black deadpans, looking at his claws as if they’re the most interesting thing in the world. “AS I WAS SAYING. YES, WE’RE DYING—”

Cash wheezes at the bar. Edge very simply keeps his head from knocking against the wood like it’s routine. 

Black shoots his brother a nasty look, clearing his throat before continuing. 

“ _ AS I WAS SAYING!  _ THEY HAVE A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF HUMANS WITHIN THEIR TERRITORY, IN PERHAPS, ONE OF THE WORST AREAS OF THE OVERWORLD IN REGARDS TO OUR GENERAL AREA. THEY’RE QUITE… TERRITORIAL ABOUT WHO IS ALLOWED IN.”

“Of course they are. It’s still firmly stuck in the twenties, what exactly, do you expect?”

“A POTENTIAL BUSINESS PARTNER. THERE’S MONEY TO BE MADE. AN  _ ABUNDANCE _ OF MONEY, THEY’RE QUITE DULL TO IGNORE THE OPPORTUNITY.”

“They’re part of the mob.”

Black shrugs, one leg crossing over the other. “BUSINESSMAN. THE MOB. ILLEGAL. LEGAL. NONE OF THAT MATTERS IN THE PURSUIT OF PROFIT, DEAR.”

“... Are you sure you need me.” Edge says eyeing the monster like one might a particularly nasty bug under their shoe. “You’re just as corrupt.”

“BUT, OF COURSE. A WONDERFUL MEAL AND AGREEING ATMOSPHERE GOES A LONG WAY IN THE ART OF MAKING DEALS.”

Edge keeps a glare set on the monster’s head even as he stalks into the kitchen, calling the conversation finished. The tremors are back. 

Tugging on his gloves he turns on the sink. He and Red had let too much pile up in their endeavor to really  _ finish  _ it all and Edge was never one for long standing messes. He would not have a messy bar, and he would most certainly not have a messy  _ kitchen.  _

The door clicks open a little after he’s finished the first few pans the tremble to his fingers as he scrubs. Red leans against the wall to keep from crowding him a nervous set to his shoulders as Edge keeps his back turned and eyes focused on the utensils in front of him.

“you’ll be okay,” Red offers, awkward and uncertain. Encouragement wasn’t really his strong suit. Fighting, hell-raising, and bitching were more his style… but Edge was his stupid humie and they were, sorta-kinda friends. “If… y’know it goes south i’ll get us out. A quick ‘port an’ we’ll be back home. or… somewhere else?”

A whistle of air comes from Edge’s nose. An annoyed, soft thing. 

“I don’t doubt that. And while I do appreciate the offer, running won’t do us very good with a bastard that showed up at  _ my house _ ,” -Red scratches the back of his skull out of nerves. Edge had a point there.- “and what he does isn’t what phases me. I really can’t be with who I used to work for, it’s the fact that he sees it as a stepping stone.”

Red falls quite after that the sound of Edge’s cleaning and the nervous tapping of bone against bone being the only noise in the small room. It isn’t uncomfortable per se, just odd. Neither were quiet people by nature. 

Glancing to his left Edge scowls at the collection of scotch. Why had he even opened a bar? It was stupid. His therapist even believed it might be a bad thing and Edge had never listened. Intent on the fact that he could run one without taking a dip. But he wants to. Desperately. 

Drinking wouldn’t  _ solve  _ anything and he knew that, but it could offer relief. A brief moment of calm to the storm and get the tremors to fucking stop—

“do you want me to remove the alcohol out of this room?” It’s soft as Red eases closer making sure to stay out of what he liked to call ‘Edge’s don’t touch me’ radius.

“... please.” 

He doesn’t comment on the uncharacteristic nicety simply gathers the bottles into his arms and moves away. “they’re almost here ya sure you’re goin’ t’ be fine, boss?” 

“As long as there isn’t a glass near me I’ll be okay. Knock ‘em dead, Red.”

Red grins. “you know it,” 

*******

Red leans against the wall as he hears the brief knock against the door, followed by an even quieter, “black.” 

With a sigh he tugs it open. Edge had explained it to him a little after he put away the bottles of scotch. Speakeasies and other such establishments only opened up to those that knew a password or could name an individual that had invited them. Personally he thought it was stupid.

“Evenin’.” 

The shorter monster looks up at him passing their coat and hat to him without preamble. Red’s socket twitches as they’re followed by a much taller monster who offers him a brief smile. 

“APOLOGIES. HE MEANT NO DISRESPECT… HE’S JUST  _ STUCK  _ IN HIS WAYS,” It sounded like a reprimand Red had heard far too many times before.

As the taller monster walks in a whole procession moves to follow only to stop in their movements as short-stack waves a hand. 

  
  


“no chaps that’s too much credit for these cake-eaters,” -Red tries to get the amused smirk that wants to take over under-wraps even as he puts the coat on a hanger and the hat on top.- “me an’ ‘shine are enough for a pair of penny-pinchers.” 

“ _ BEHAVE,”  _ That also reminds him of a certain someone.

“‘m behavin’ just fine.” With even asking the shorter monster settles at the head of the table a bored look on his face even as he looks over the other two monsters. “‘ey smoke eater move. ain’t no reason t’ cause a tizzy so early into dinner.”

His smile is anything but welcoming as he points at Cash waiting for him to shift over to the seat on his right. The tallest monster taking his place with a nervous smile of his own, almost in apology.

“NOW, NOW WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GETTING INTO A KERFUFFLE SO EARLY INTO DINNER, BOURBON?” -Bourbon blinks. A slow, lazy thing before he huffs the hostility exuding from him disappearing as quick as a bird- “THANK YOU.”

“if ya speak up fer ‘em at every opportunity why’d we even agree to this?” 

Black clears his throat, motioning to the covered platters as Red’s cue to start serving. Fingers forming a triangle Black gives a winning smile first in the taller monster’s direction and then slower to Bourbon. 

“WE APPRECIATE THAT YOU MADE THE TIME TO MEET WITH US TONIGHT-”

“oh because it’s such a joy to sit down with folk of your ilk.” Bourbon snips his scowl, worsening when his associate gives him a look. 

“-AS WE’RE QUITE AWARE OF HOW BUSY YOU ARE. WE HOPE TO OFFER YOU A DECENT MEAL ALONG WITH OUR DISCUSSION.”

“wha’s there to discuss? you want to become butter an’ egg men in our backyard. disruptin' our deliveries an’ encorachin’ on places that ain’t yers like a tick.” 

“ _ BOURBON!”  _

“stop givin’ me that look ‘shine. you know it jus’ as much as i do that’s what they’re after,” 

“FORGIVE HIM.” 

Black waves a hand in dismissal, his smile tight. “NO REASON TO DO SO IN THE FIRST PLACE. WE ARE STRANGERS AFTER ALL. OUR INTENTIONS, HOWEVER, ARE VERY MUCH ON THE SIDE OF BEING MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL. CASH IF YOU WOULD.”

Cash opens up his suit hand slow and steady even in the face of a glare that could melt steel. 

“the hell’s that?” Bourbon squints one hand curled around a chicken leg the other tapping at his knee as he leans forward never taking his gaze off of Cash’s form.

“A CONTRACT, BOURBON. VERY SIMILAR TO THE ONE’S I USE IN MY WORK.” The tallest monster motions for it taking it gently from Cash’s hands. “A FIFTY-FIFTY PROFIT AGREEANCE TO ALLOW THEM TO SHYLOCK IN THE SOUTHERN SECTOR OF THE CITY.” 

They tsks softly, placing the contract down where both Black and Cash can see it as they trace a finger over one of the last lines. “THERE IS A MISTAKE HERE. ABOVE YOU MENTION STAYING STRICTLY WITHIN THE SOUTHERN SECTOR OF THE CITY, BUT HERE,” They tap a finger, “YOU INCORRECTLY ASSUME THAT WE WOULD ALLOW YOU TO PURSUE THEM PAST THAT.”

Bourbon leans back an almost proud twitch to his mouth as he watches his brother work. Moonshine would keep them busy with the breakdown and highlighting of their flawed assumption while he ate. This is how they worked best. He was the muscle and Moonshine was the diplomat. 

“AND HERE,” He continues a soft flush taking over his skull as the other two monsters actually  _ listen.  _ It wasn’t very often that he was taken seriously from the get go, Moonshine is quite aware that he is a… willowy monster. “A MISTAKE IN YOUR VERBIAGE.”

Cash clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “damn. thought we caught all a-that when we were adjusting everythin’.”

“IT WAS  _ YOUR  _ JOB, CASH,” -Cash gives his brother that could make a body turn over in their grave from fright.- “IT WAS!”

“GENTLEMAN,” Moonshine cuts in, a diplomatic smile in place as he separates them with the ease of someone who’s had to do it numerous times before. “COULD WE GET A FEW GLASSES OF WHISKEY?”

Red scrambles to follow the question, a nervous sweat to his skull as he pours three for the trio and another full glass of water for Bourbon. Ironic that the one named after a type of whiskey didn’t want any.

Content to watch his brother work his magic around the rather— blatantly— unprepared chumps Bourbon enjoys the meal in front of him with gusto. Most always thought they were simple. Funneled drink, weapons, bookmaking. Most thought that he and his brother were all brawn and no brains— that they had no clue on how to handle a social situation. Let alone deal making. 

His socket’s squint as he taste’s something familiar. To monsters, and even humans to a lesser degree, food could convey things. Love, happiness, anger, discontent. It was on the tip of his tongue,  _ literally. _

Chuckling to himself Bourbon tries to get his brother’s attention.

“‘ey, ‘shine,” 

“AND THIS HERE! HEAVEN’S THIS IS A MESSY DOCUMENT.” Bourbon feels his socket twitch at how quickly his brother had devolved into his ‘work mode’. For free nonetheless. The goober struggled to keep from offering help even when he really shouldn’t.

Still, he was Bourbon’s little brother.

“ _ shine,”  _

“WHO SIGNED THIS OFF FOR USE?” Moonshine questions a concerned scrunch to his skull. “THIS IS  _ ATROCIOUS!”  _

Cash sinks in his seat as Black coughs to hide their embarrassment. A forged document was a forged document after all. 

“ _ moonshine!”  _

“OH, YES, YES, APOLOGIES!” He at least has the decency to look sheepish at the begrudgingly amused look Bourbon sends him. “WHAT IS IT?’

“the food. ‘s… there’s somethin’ can’t put my  _ finger on.”  _

Moonshine gives him the most unimpressed look as he eyes the hand clearly wrapped around a chicken leg with disdain. “IT SEEMS TO ME AS IF YOU HAVE A RATHER NORMAL GRIP ON IT.”

“no, no, try it!” 

Bourbon almost retracts the statement when Black’s expression fills with a maniacal kind of glee. 

“IT IS… QUITE FAMILIAR.” 

Black stands from his seat a hand slamming onto the table in his exuberance. “AS IT SHOULD BE! CASH, IF YOU WOULD!” 

“yeah, yeah, your majesty,” 

He doesn’t even move from his seat to trap Red in a deep shade of blue as Black makes his way to the kitchen ignoring the snarl sent his way by the big brute. Black would be getting his way with this and the monster Edge called a guard dog wouldn’t keep him from that. This was important after all. 

“OH NO GENTLEMAN STAY IN YOUR SEATS! IT’S A SIGHT FOR SORE-EYES I ASSURE YOU,” It’s with a flourish that he opens the kitchen beaming smile on his face as he looks at Edge, “I’VE A NEED OF YOUR ASSISTANCE.”

“What? No! I already told you I'm not going out there! Put me down you cretin!” There’s a hiss as Edge is practically forced out of his hidey hole with a sharp tug of blue magic of his soul. 

His eyes widen when he catches sight of the two other monsters before his expression spells murder.  _ ‘Black!” _

“THAT IS MY NAME TRY NOT TO WEAR IT OUT,” Black’s smile is as pleased as a cat that got the cream even as Edge tries to make a swipe at his face like a disgruntled animal. “AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST TO SHOW YOU IN GOOD FAVOR.”

“tomato is that you?” Edge’s glare pin’s Bourbon into his seat.

“Black put me the fuck down and maybe I won’t smash a bottle over your head!” 

Black tsks. “YOU’RE FINE AREN’T YOU? IT’S JUST DINNER NO NEED TO GET YOUR APRON IN SUCH A TWIST.”

It’s as soon as he’s let the human go in a chair that Edge lunges for him. 

“THIS IS NOT PROPER!” He shrieks practically tumbling into a ball when Edge goes for his socket a loud ‘thunk’ resounding as they pretzel together. 

“What you did was improper!” 

“get ‘em boss!”

“CASH!” 

“yeah, no i ain’t fuckin’ with that. you’re on your own.”

Bourbon sighs easing up out of his chair to separate the two currently going at it like a pair of rabid cats. Or rather, Edge going at it like a rabid cat and Black very quickly realizing that he poked the wrong one. 

“a’right, a’righ tomato tha’s enough sluggin’ about,” Because that was damn and certain their human. Even after growing up a little more. “don't you bite me! ya ain’t a fuckin’ child no more!” 

Moonshine clears his throat shooing on Black to his brother and giving Cash a stern look to let Red out. “IT SEEMS CLEAR WHY THINGS WERE FAMILIAR. IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN… AND MEET ALL OF YOUR NEW… FRIENDS?”

“I am not friends with these beasts!” 

“i resent that.” 

_ “Not the time Red!”  _

Bourbon sighs falling back into his chair to rub at his skull in agitation. “‘m gettin’ too old for this shit.” 

Moonshine gives an apologetic look. “QUITE. NOW, WE KNOW… THE TERMS OF THIS MEETING MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST—”

“Oh you think do you?” Edge snaps back going to huddle closer to Red as he scowls at Blacks head hoping to watch it melt.

“—I’M SURE WE CAN CONTINUE BEING CIVIL.  _ GENTLEMAN,”  _ It definitely isn’t as genial as before as Moonshine gives them both a disappointed look, only easing out when they sit. “THANK YOU. EDGE… RED, IF YOU WOULD.”

“No,” 

“COME NOW THERE’S NO NEED TO BE SO DIFFICULT.”

Bourbon rubs at his face, “leave ‘im be. if he’s pissed then he’s pissed.”

“BUT IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING!” 

“an’ edge is stubborn as a train on a rail,” 

“‘ey watch it, buddy,” Red cuts in unaware of the way Black and Cash have moved closer to treat the whole thing like a show. 

“nice t’ see ya got somebody loyal, tomato.” 

Edge glares until Bourbon lifts his hand in the universal sign of  _ i give up.  _ “if you’re finished with your negotiation you know where the door is.”

“a’right, kid, we get it ya ain’t happy to see us—”

“Oh I see your vision still works.”

“— we’ll get goin’ we know when we ain’t welcome. grifters follow!” 

Moonshine sighs giving a much more patient smile Black and Cash’s way. “HE MEANS YOU TWO. WE’D LIKE TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER… BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO FIX UP THAT DOCUMENT OF YOURS.”

Edge slumps into one of the bar stools after they leave. Hoping the wood will help cool him off from the madness of it all. 

“home?” Red offers, knowing better than to push the subject for the moment.

“Home.” Edge agrees.

They practically fall onto the couch when Red teleports them. 

“plan?” 

“ _ Sleep.” _

“sounds perfect boss,” 

Edge yanks the blanket that’s long become part of the decor of the couch as Red settles next to him, the sound of the TV working as a way to help him drift off more than anything. 

“you sure do know a ton of fuckin’ weirdos boss.”

“God, tell me about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black: *Does what is expected of the Dumb and Dumber Duo*
> 
> Edge: So you have chosen death
> 
> [the blog](https://little-guy-writes.tumblr.com/)


End file.
